Friday 28 June 2013
8th October 1994
28/06/2013
– Friday
8th October 1994… Why wasn’t I
born in the same year as her or the not so distant years before her birth? It has been weeks since I’ve last contacted
her with only a few sentences of little words. The mystery of what happened
between her kept me in a bind for months and even now, I’m still pondering of
what wrong I have done.
We’re 2 years apart and I’m the younger
party. She used to treat me like a little boy and she probably thinks of me as
one too. Due to that treatment, I feel like a little boy trying to chase after
his elder sister who is at a much further point in life. Is 2 years really that
huge of a difference? It could be a maybe but it could also be a maybe not.
The last time we’ve actually spoken to
each other was about… 4 months ago. :/ In within the 4 months, so many changes
and events have taken place. Unexpected events such as…I’ve somewhat gotten
together with a girl whom I’ve liked and probably in love with since a year
ago. It wasn’t just like a ‘dream come true’ but it was a ‘dream come true’ to
me. Everything seemed so perfect, my life feels so complete and my dream to protect
‘her’ in the future came alive again. Sadly, everything came crashing down as I
ruined everything. My life became meaningless once again.
I blamed myself. I blamed ‘her’. I blamed
everyone around me. I was so lost. I was so confused.
I want
the only girl that understands me to comfort me but…she’s not even with me
anymore. She is busy living her life while I am busy cursing mine. My ‘dream
girl’ wasn’t someone who could understand me and I guess we’re not meant to be.
I miss her. I miss the girl who is 2 years older than me. She understands me in
a way. I feel comfortable being with her, I feel safe… I could have endless conversation with her
but she’s normally busy, so I wouldn’t dare to. I need her to keep my sanity
intact but yet… I made her left without a word and yet I don’t know what I did
wrong…
There are times when I wonder in my mind,
does she even think of me or is she too busy with her own life? Am I a
stranger, a friend or a brother to her? Do I still exist to her? I think of her occasionally, cherishing my
memories of and with her. Only 4 months have passed and yet I felt like it has
been years…
“You only appreciate someone when they are
gone.”
Based on
your opinion, what do you think of that phrase?
Foolish,
is what I am. Every time when I’m depressed and lost, I would seek for her
comfort. Forgetting to appreciate, I just move on with my life without
remembering who gave me the strength to stand once again. I’m sorry for all
I’ve done wrong to you, I’m sorry for troubling you all the time and I’m sorry
for being a useless ‘little boy’.
If you
ever read this, you know who you are.
I miss
you.
I don’t
want to be a stranger to you, at least be my friend, be my senior…
I need
you.
Wednesday 5 June 2013
Passion for Riding
05/06/2013
– Wednesday
What do you do when you want to get
something off your mind? You want to free yourself from all your frustration
and overthinking. Some of us would scream our lungs out at the top of some
random hill, some of us will drink to our heart’s content till we’re so drunk
that we forgot our own names and some of us would just sleep through our
problems. In my case, I ride to my heart’s content on a powerful two wheeled
vehicle known as superbikes.
I became a rider when I was 16 which is
last year. I was supposed to be a normal motorcycle rider but I end up
qualifying as a superbike rider. Strangely, the superbike in the driving
institute was much simpler to control than the lower grade motorcycles. My dad
is also a rider and his hobby is also riding a superbike, well, at least I know
where this passion for riding of mine came from. Unlike my personality that I
not know of, riding is something I enjoy. I don’t actually race at top speed on
the road but I do go a certain amount of speed that is enough to satisfy my
adrenaline needs.
Gearing up, riding on the road, beating
the cars and feeling the wind beating on me, riding is so much more thrilling
than that. It trains your precision, it raises your awareness and it boost your
confidence because as every single second when you’re riding, your life is
already on the line. One wrong move, either from you or from others and you are
dead or at least seriously injured. In cases of emergencies, you only have
seconds to react. Compared to cars, when a car crashes, the car blows up first
then you die but when you’re a rider, you die first.
I
am just an inexperienced rider but I do love riding as it is somewhat my hobby.
Everyday being on the road is like practicing to me. My superbike is not just
another mode of transport to me, he is my friend, my best friend in fact. He
brings me from destination to destination, he gives me excitement and he
comforts me when I’m on the verge of breaking down. Through riding, I’ve met
friends along the way that shares the same passion, although, their passion for
riding is even stronger than mine. I’m a casual rider but they are racers, not
legal racers though. I tend to play safe and live a safer life but they go
extreme, risking their lives at another level.
My dad is an international racer. Riding
at 200km/h from country to country, I seriously wonder how an old man like him
still manages that. He was the one who first introduced me to riding. When I
was a kid, he used to ride me around my housing area in his low grade
motorcycle when he had time. My parents split the cash to buy my own motorcycle
but soon my dad pass his superbike over to me and now, I ride side by side with
my dad. Like father like son, how amusing this phrase seem to me right now.
“Watch out dad, I am taking over your legacy
and also going to surpass your achievements.”
He maybe
a douche bag and looks down on me all the time but he is still my dad. Despite
that, I think he is proud of me because he always introduces me as ‘his son’ to
others. He would always go “This is my son.” He rarely uses my name when he
introduces me.
Anyways, do you fear death? Well, I think
almost everyone does at some part of their lives. You may not notice this but
all the motorcycle and superbike riders you see on the road, we’re risking our
lives every single day we get on that 2 wheeled vehicle even when we fear
death.
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