Sepaversary

Well, rather than just typing stuff as usual, thought I'd do this instead.
Yeap, it was one year ago, since I ran to 'her' and said my last goodbyes,then ran away. (I have no idea why I ran away) I could have just walked away and looked cooler, hahahaha. #thestoryofmacamyes

I still can't forget the moments I had with 'her'.

No edits. True feelings. You know who you are.

Click on the link below, and you'll understand. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smqIGxRZtWc

Recap

Oh wow, this blog has been abandoned for quite a number of months.
My reasons? Over here: -
- No inspiration (my life is pretty much meaningless to me now)
- Too lazy to bother (kind of lost that passion to type long meaningless essays)
- Too busy (been caught up with college life, but probably an excuse)

Anyways, here's a recap of what's been happening.

April - June
* It's just the story of 'Study-Work-Play'. Little details are just a waste of time to be written here, I've been job-hopping and coping with studies as it was my long semester. From working as a service crew in 'Good Friends Restaurant & Cafe', I changed to working as a promoter for California Milk. Nothing special, just a matter of meaningless days passing by.

July
* Well, here's something new. During this month, people kept asking me whether I have a girlfriend or not. I answered them sincerely, "I've never had one before" (well, an official one anyways), and none of them believed. Awww...come on people, how do you want me to convince you that I've really never had one before? It gets annoying really.

* Not long after that, I found myself an actual girlfriend. First time confessing face-to-face, with a flower in my hands. Much said, little done, the relationship ended after 12 days. It was meaningless anyways, as I was never ready to like anyone else after all. The girl? Oh yeah, she got a new boyfriend after 3 days. So much for the dramatic, "I'll wait for you." Typical, empty promises from girls as usual.
* Although, a meaningless relationship did taught me valuable life lessons such as, value your 'single' life, all girls have endless pattern and how to keep your girlfriend, a girlfriend. Lols.

* Joined a competition called 'Go Green Pitch', it was fun to compete against other Business students of similar level to think creatively on how to improve industrial effects on the environment. The ideas just came bursting into my mind, set everything up, pitch out my ideas and won second place. Go figure, I initially did it for fun.

(Picture after the competition, it was fun leading a team but also stressful, like panic stressful)

August
* My semester break, finally, some time to rest. I quit my part-time job before finals and relaxed throughout my holiday. Just the usual, going to gym, visiting friends, going for Animangaki, making new friends and so on. 
* And here we are, September, back to my series of meaningless days of Study-Play. Kind of left the 'labour force' momentarily, so I can't put 'Study-Work-Play' for now~

 (Road to Klang, to visit my friends, it was horribly hazy, really)

That's it for now, maybe I'll post again, or never, whatever.

End of Semester

02/03/2014 – Sunday

     End of semester is coming soon. Most of the major presentations and assignments have been complete. What is left would be my final examination. Recently, there have been a lot of things going through my mind.  Honestly, I have been really stressful and frustrated. I’ve been stressing about things like money, future, examinations, family and friends.

     Money, this word is seriously crucial to me. Well, it is crucial to everyone actually. Anyways, dad hasn’t been supporting me financially at all as in he doesn’t pay for my college fees nor gives me any allowance. I could practically admit that he’s not even my father. Mom has been financially supporting me for my education and living expenses. She has been constantly reminding me not to worry about anything related to money but she has also been pressuring me about money. That’s what caused my confusion. She disagrees to my weekend part-time as it’ll affect my studies so I promised to work only during semester breaks.

     Future, I’m more likely talking about what I’ll be doing after the end of my first semester in Foundation in Business. I’m worried that I might not be able to cope with Foundation in Business as everything is so cramped and rushed. I admit that I’m a slow learner. Due to my circumstances, I’m tempted to consider going for Diploma in Business as it won’t be rushed but obviously, my mom disapproves it without hesitating.  I think mom is worried about me because lately, I’ve lost my self-confidence.

     Examinations, this would be one of my traumas in life. I got the examination trauma which is getting panic attacks during my SPM examination. My heart starts beating quickly, my mind will get hazy, I’ll freeze and I’ll be paralyzed on the spot. In short, I’ll be useless in exam even if I did do my preparations.

     Family, I have nothing much to say about this because it’s mostly related to my dad. Although, it is still one of the factors that made me stressed.

     Last but not least, friends or rather friend. She’s a ‘fun to be with’ girl who thinks snakes are cute. She is Kim Kim. ^^ To be honest, one of the reasons why I look forward going to college every day is because I would get to see her.  Last week, due to certain reasons, I kind of ignored her for 3 days and within that 3 days, life in college was much more boring compared to usual. Life in college wouldn’t be so fun without her. :P  In a way, I’ve grown a little attached to her because I communicate with her the most in college. :3  The most 'pigu' person I've met in college. She is a friend that I'll always remember to bully. She has left many bruises on my arms almost daily but the biggest bruise she’ll ever leave is if she changes college after the first semester. L Yes, she ‘might’ be transferring to a different college after our first semester. It sounds selfish of me to say this but hope she doesn’t transfer because I’ll miss her like mad, damn pigu. :/

Self-Development Presentation Day. We were in fully black formal wear. xD!! (As if visiting funeral, omg!!!)

Inspirations of memories.

23/02/2014 – Sunday

     StrawberryTelle,  a personal blog in Facebook that blogs about love & relationship related issues. In the past, they always inspired me about certain things I experienced in life. I saw someone shared it somewhere and it struck me, haven’t I been following it all along? Apparently, I probably accidentally removed my ‘Following’ status from it. Once again, one picture reminded me so many memories, sad and happy memories.    

     Sometimes, the best memories are sad because you know they will never happen again.  I agree so much with that phrase till the point that I hate it because it’s the truth. My best memories of being with her will never relive again. In my blog, I have repeated over and over again, my sad memories with her and my happy memories with her. This shows that I’m just too stubborn to let it go and move on. Once again, I repeat similar stories of my best memories with her.  My daily routine of walking her home from school, was the best moments of my everyday school life. In school, we rarely speak with each other. I may sound like a stalker, but I’d just look at her whenever I have the chance. Walking her home was my only time to interact with her,

     “It’s creepy, I know, but please don’t judge a guy who’s in love, okay? It’s unfair.”

     Since I was a prefect, it is my duty to keep watch of the students during assembly and recess. Naturally, she earned a special place in my heart. I’d keep a mental record of what time she reaches school and when she goes for recess.  Surprisingly, she has quite a punctual routine. Hence, if she doesn’t reach school on time, I would know something happened to her by heart. On rainy days, I’m always tempted to grab an umbrella and run to her to make sure she’d reach to school safe and…dry? Although, most of the time, she’d be fine. My heart beats nervously every single time I see her and beats more anxiously when I don’t see her. In a way, you can say I used to think of her 24/7. Thus, being obsessed with her became my number 1 hobby since I fell in love with her.

     Happy memories that will never relive again. My daily routine of ‘patting’ her head and she’ll know it’s me because I’ll receive her cute frown as my ‘reward’. The days being by her side are my priceless moments.  I’ve repeated it over and over till it’s gotten too dull.

     “Guess I’ll skip those parts then~” ><

The picture above, to be honest, I’ve failed both lines except the last. Her value to me was priceless but I failed to respect her. I was selfish to think of her as mine when she was her own. When had I gotten so arrogant to think I own her when she stood on her own ground? The second line hits me the most. I did everything I could and wanted to for her. She was my everything, and I’d do anything for her. I’d cry in the night thinking “Why does she have to be in pain and not me? Why can’t I sacrifice myself and take her pain for her?” Unlike those hypocrites that will spout “I love you forever” to the world and break up weeks later, I’d never dare to say that but in my heart, that’s how I felt.  Perhaps, I’m a hypocrite too, but that’s up for you to decide.

      Whoops, a bit out of topic but back to the second line, I loved her and my mistake was expecting her to do the same in return. Even if she did, I’d reject it and blame that she didn’t because I always thought that I don’t deserve her.  Even now, she doesn’t deserve me…because she deserves someone much better than me and so shall it be.  I don’t deny it because I just want her to be happy, with or without me. 

     Last but not least, we’ve done so many crazy things together and I had so much fun being together with her. We’ve fought over and over, we’ve cried over and over, we’ve laughed over and over but the saddest thing is, I’ve never even taken a picture with her before. Her and I, never had we taken a picture with just the two of us together.

Although, recently, I don’t know why, but I’ve been dreaming of someone new.... Is this a sign that I’ve given up on her and in the process of moving on? This story…should be left for another day…to be told. J

If you're reading this,
Hope your boyfriend is one of a kind type of guy who'll love you more than I ever did. Good luck in your relationship and hope you two will be happy together. Stay strong and stay sweet.^^

From,
Cold-HeartedMe

English Journal...3 :D

21/02/2014 – Friday

Self-Development Video Assignment

     Assignments, assignments and assignments. In high-school, teacher gives us ‘homework’ for us to practice our knowledge on their subjects. Homework is annoying and boring. Honestly, I prefer doing my own homework (revision) rather than doing the homework given by the teachers. The difference is that I can go according to my own pace and not being rushed by the teachers in school. The homework that was given by my teachers are troublesome because I would get scolded, criticized and threatened if I did not complete them within the given time. On the contrary, my own homework does not have any punishment if I procrastinated on them.

Anyways, in college, instead of getting homework, we got assignments instead. Since assignments would be part of my subject mark, they will be compulsory for me to complete them within the given time. It may seem worse than homework but surprisingly, they are not. Assignments are much more fun and less boring compared to homework. For example, in college, my ‘Fundamentals of Business Management’s’ assignment would be an individual presentation which would amount to 20% for my overall subject mark. Whereas, in school, I get the usual ‘do question 1 to 5 for Add Maths’ homework which is so dull to me.  Normally, people would prefer doing homework than facing a crowd of people during presentation but since I’m an unusual person, presentation as assignment suits me fine.

Besides that, recently I have received a new assignment from one of my subjects which is ‘Self-Development Skills’. This assignment requires us(my classmates and I) to form a team of 10-12 people to produce a video related to self-development and team-development.  Initially, I just wanted to work with a team of 10 people (the minimum amount of people in a team). In my opinion, the less people I work with, the better because it’s easier to communicate. Although, I somehow joined a team that consists of 13 people and I just have to reluctantly accept that quietly. “Don’t ask me how that happened, it just did”, would be my thoughts.

We are all equals in the team. There is no higher or lower positions in that team but since no one seemed to be interested in taking charge, I took the lead. I never said that I’m better at leading than anyone else, but someone has to initiate the plan. All our marks are on the line, including mine after all. So, we discussed about our plans, I tried convincing everyone to chip in their ideas to contribute to the team and at the same time, to avoid them from feeling left out.

On the following week, we started dividing our work load so that everyone would contribute a certain amount of effort to the assignment. As I’ve learned in Business Management, conflicts will certainly arise in any organization due to various personalities, attitudes and opinions. In our situation, even if it was just a team that consists of 13 people trying to achieve a certain goal, inner conflicts within the team was unavoidable. Some of us had ideas of our own, some of us could not be bothered with the assignment, some of us complained about their given task, some of us were absent during discussions and the list goes on.

Despite all that, I dare say all of us managed to set our differences aside and had fun completing the assignment. The process of making the video was fun as each one of us chipped in our ideas and acted as different people in the video. 

“What is my last remark for this assignment?” You can say I enjoyed doing my self-development assignment with the team I was assigned to.     

-The End- 

Written by,

Bryan Yeong

(Cold-HeartedMe)

 Group discussion.

Fuyoh's turn to hold the camera.

Busy Week

16/02/2014 – Sunday

My somewhat busy college life!

     This has been just another week of fun yet stressful days in INTI. Assignments, projects and examinations are filling up my schedules. English lecturer gave my class (including me) the deadline for our group assignment/presentation and a new online assignment which I could not seem to understand. Besides that, my self-development lecturer gave us a new group assignment which involves approximately 10 to 13 people and the deadlines for the assignments. Lastly, my business management lecturer tested us on the first six chapters of business management and scheduled us for our individual presentation.

     Briefing for Self-Development assignment

Oh my gosh, why are all the deadlines so clashing so harmoniously?! Although, I guess I will be able to complete my assignments in time, so I need not worry about these minor issues. In fact, I’m done with most of my individual assignments. The remaining assignments would be the group assignments and for that, I will just go with the flow of my groups.

     Anyways, it’s still all fun and laughter for me. I got closer with a few people or rather two people from my class. One of them would be a guy called Tee Yang, it is funny how we made it a habit to buy ‘Nescafe’ (brand of coffee) from the cafeteria in college during break time for Business Management class. It gets boring and I’ll start feeling sleepy after every hour of business management lecture, so Tee Yang and I pretty much tried all the different flavors ‘Nescafe’ has to offer us.

Someone said with confidence "I am taller than you." I proved her wrong. :3 

     The other person would be Kim Kim. Everyone calls her Kimmy but I feel Kim Kim fits her best. Weird yet ordinary, that girl is Kim Kim. xD Once again, it’s funny how I once said that we might get along well few weeks ago because that ‘expectation’ actually came true. For the past two weeks, I enjoyed spending my days with her. I was busy bullying her, annoying her, confiscating her ‘Ipad’ and teasing her throughout the week. Gosh, I suddenly sounded like such a bully. ><!!! Despite that, from my opinion, I think we got along quite well. I went out for lunch and brunch with her before and in between classes.

  Lunch break with Tee Yang and Kim Kim, my first Gongcha!

    It seems that I have lost contact or haven’t been communicating with most of my high-school friends for quite a while since most of them are too busy with their own lives to bother about me. So, college friends are my life right now.

     Moving along, I replaced someone as a waiter on Saturday in ‘Good Friends Restaurant & Café’ that opened up last week. It was a relatively relaxing part-time job since my previous part-time jobs were hectic. The employers were nice as I was guided well and gave me the privilege of eating certain food from their menu.

   Lastly, I managed to cook baked cheese macaroni & chicken with cream of mushroom on Saturday and cheese baked rice on Sunday. My dad used to laugh at me when I wanted to be a chef in the past. It’s a small start but I can’t wait to ‘rub it in his face’ for underestimating a young child’s dream.   

 Cheese Baked Rice with sausages & chicken. ^^

  

Happy Valentine's Day~

14/02/2014 – Friday

     Happy Valentine’s Day! Although, it’s Happy Single’s Day for me since I don’t have a girlfriend and never had one before. This makes my 18^th year of spending  Valentine’s day, alone. As much as I hate to admit it’s Valentine’s day, even though it’s just another Friday, the mood for this ‘lovers’ day is in the air.

     First of all, this ‘special’ day is taken advantage by business opportunities.  In my college alone, there are booths around college selling stuff for Valentine’s day! “I should do that too, but oh well, I don’t have any bright ideas so just forget it.”

     Anyways, just this morning, I saw a guy confessing to a girl in the hallway. It’s very obvious that they weren’t couples. Come on dude, you can confess to her any day! So, I walked out of my classroom and was heading to get myself a drink and there they were, standing awkwardly by the hallway. The guy said something and gave an awkward hug (since I was there), he probably hated me since I spoiled his ‘moment’. I gave them my ‘I don’t give a f*ck face’ and looked away. “Nothing wrong with that, right?” :D Although, I did end up snickering after I walked past them and they probably noticed that too but I don’t care.

     Valentine’s day, so what does this day remind me of? It brings me back to last year. I was still chatting daily with my senior then and the day before Valentine’s day, I told her that I wanted to make something for the girl I loved. That girl would be my highschool love. I still remembered that I wanted to bake her chocolate cupcakes or something for Valentine’s day and my senior just had to say that some other guy might be giving her chocolate.  It didn’t happen because I was still inexperienced in baking and she wasn’t even around. She went back to her hometown or something.

     Hm…so what did I do today? I went for college in the morning till afternoon. I rushed home and went for gym. After that, I went for some grocery shopping and started my little cooking project. I actually planned it few days ago since I won’t have a date or partner for Valentine’s day. Pasta baked with mozzarella cheese and roasted chicken seasoned with honey & herbs. The final touches were cream of mushroom and a mixture of peppers.  The pasta was a little disappointing but the chicken was fantastic. Overall, I was satisfied with my ‘work of art’. >///<

   Never had I known how to cook, but here's my beginning. :) 

  In the past, I couldn’t cook for the girl I love when she was sick. I only knew how to go out and buy ‘takeaways’ for her. Then, I remember carrying her to the dinning table for lunch and back to her bed for her to rest. I had always wanted to bake something nice or cook something yummy for her, but I didn’t even have the slightest idea of where to start! In the future, never will I let that happen again. I’m eager to learn all sorts of dishes and bake all sorts of pastries for my future girl. ^^

Oh well, the past is past, I guess that won’t ever happen. I’ve heard she’s gotten a boyfriend recently from my friend. “The girl I love has a boyfriend, oh wow, how should I react?” It’s not a big surprise and it didn’t have a big impact on me because I’ve already expected such a thing to happen, sooner or later. Hopefully, she’ll be happy with her new boyfriend and I hope the guy knows how to take care of her.

For me, I’ll just wait for her, even if she’ll have 3 or 5 or 10 boyfriends, I’ll probably still wait for her if my feelings for her are unchanged. You may call me stupid or insane but that’s who I am, my feelings for her are stubborn. Although, I hope to find a girl who will love me as much as I love her and maybe, I won’t be spending Valentine’s day alone next year. ^^

One sentence says it all.

Never has there been a day that I have not thought about her.

English Journal...2 :D

22.01.2013 - Wednesday

Random thoughts of mine

     It is the second week of my college life in INTI College Subang. It seems that I have somewhat accustomed to the environment or culture of studying in college after just two weeks because I feel that going for class during odd hours and having lunch at unusual hours is a regular routine for me. :3

     Anyways, the event that was held today, to celebrate Sean’s (my classmate) birthday was wonderful. J We went straight to ‘Shakespeare’ after a boring yet stressful class of Business Management. After that, we took group pictures, sang songs and so on. It was fun because I got the opportunity to strengthen the bond with my newly found friends and laugh like nobody’s business. ><

Half of my class is here weyh. xD

      Moving along, the phrase ‘Do not judge a book by its cover’ has been very appealing to me this week because I’ve recently met a girl from my class whom is seemingly ordinary but surprisingly extraordinary. :3 My first impression of her was that she is an averagely pretty girl with a quiet and timid personality. She is unimpressive and ordinary was what I initially thought but as I’ve gotten to know more about her through our conversations over the social media called ‘Facebook’, it surprised me to know that she is not such a boring person after all.  Her interests are my dislikes. For example, she thinks that snakes are cute while I think that snakes are sinister and vicious. Despite that, I have a feeling that we can get along with each other and will be able to be good friends. :D

        “Who is she?”

The answer to that question is for me to know and for you to find out. :P This encounter with her has reminded me not to be so ignorant and hasty to judge others by their appearance before actually knowing them. :/ Although, I’ve always had this bad habit of judging others unfairly till I make random assumptions about them. >< It is not a simple task to break this habit of mine but at least, I am making the effort to do so. :3

     Lastly, these three words which are stress, pressure and incapable has been haunting my mind because honestly, I’m not doing so well with my studies. It’s only the beginning but yet, I already feel like crashing. L

     “Good luck, Bryan.”

I hope that this encouragement of mine would last me for the rest of the….semester. ==…   

Random picture of the 19 year old birthday boy (Sean) and I. Lols

English Journal

     Heee...so yeah, college started like 1 week ago and it'll be my second week in college starting tomorrow. I met many new friends and had a great time. We didn't study much last week since it only started so there was plenty of time to socialize. My class consists of approximately 30 people, more girls than boys. Wakaka, there are 3 International students and the rest are Malaysians. It's fun meeting a whole lot of new people of different personalities, can't wait for what's coming ahead. The essay below is actually my English 'homework' assigned by my lecturer, Ms Jenny. She told us to write about 4 descriptive essays about our everyday life (journal). It's a simple task since I'm a blogger, so yeah, just sharing it out! ^^   

A random shot of my classroom in college. xP


19/01/2013 – Sunday

INTI Orientation Day 1

    

     The awaited day is finally here. It has been one terribly long and boring month of being lifeless at home. 9^th of Jan 2014 was the day I turned into a college student.

     I woke up early to prepare myself for college the orientation starts at 9am. It felt like any other ordinary morning because I do not feel any difference, no anxiety, no excitement but my mind was occupied with events that might or will occur in college. As I finished my breakfast which was just a cup of ‘Nestum’, I hurried off to college for orientation.

     The road which was filled with cars was somewhat frustrating because most people were rushing to work at that time. It was a challenge to maneuver my motorcycle in that traffic condition even when motorcycles are not usually affected by bad traffic conditions.

     Anyways, as I’ve arrived in college, I forced a smile on my ever emotionless face and thought to myself “It’s a new day, it’s a new life, what has passed should be left in the past because now it’s time for a new beginning. After 13 years of education filled with unnecessary uniforms and rules, I’m finally a college student.”

     I went to register myself for INTI orientation and was directed to the Auditorium for orientation. Before the occasion started, I managed to socialize with a few people and made new acquaintances. Some of them are my course-mates and some are not but that does not matter because I enjoy meeting new people. 

     During the orientation, they gave a few speeches which were boring but informative. It may seem rude of me to say that but at least, I did not slumber during those speeches. After that, we had lunch and played some games prepared by a non-profit organization known as INTIMA. The day went on as it was, people having fun with smiles on their faces and tons of laughter.

       “How did I feel?” If that is your question then my answer is, I felt relieved.  I felt relieved because on my first day of college, my cold heart actually felt slightly warm from being a college student.

-The End-

Written by,
Bryan Yeong.

(Cold-HeartedMe)      

This is my English Assignment Group! :D 

Back to Gym.

02/01/2014 – Thursday

     Happy New Year, everyone and may you have a truly blessed year. ^^

It’s the second day of 2014 and all of the primary/secondary students are going back to school. I went to the gym instead since my college starts on the second week of January. The feeling is great because I’m finally 18 this year. I don’t know why I feel great about this but I just do.

It has been 5 months since my accident which means I haven’t been to the gym for about 5 months. It’s good to be back as I’ve lacked a lot of training. I had a thought that I might gain weight and some extra fat during my absence in the gym but gladly, I managed to ‘keep fit’ somehow. :3

Anyways, jogging on the treadmill is always the most tiring part of my workout in the gym. It's just my warm-up though. O.o I run for about 10 minutes with an average of 8km/h and ‘cool down’ for about 4-5minutes.  As I was jogging and looking out through the windows, I watched numerous cars passing by the busy road and a nostalgic feeling washed over me. 

Every single minute of my life, I was thinking of her. When I feel tired and was about to give up, she would be my motivation to keep going. I would keep pushing myself harder and harder so I could be strong and wise enough to protect her, one day. Studies, work outs and everything, she became my motivation to strive not only for my future but ’ours’.

Although, time has passed and things have changed. Thus, those were just memories of my past. It’s a new year and that means it’s time for a change. I have to find a new reason to motivate myself for a better tomorrow.