Reunion ~ (Siblings)

14/11/2012 – Wednesday

     Awaited, it has been 1 year ago since I’ve met with my mei mei (little sister). She may not be my blood-sister but I treat her as my actual little sister (I’m the youngest in my blood-family so I do not have a younger sibling).

     Anyways, I just sat around with a cup of milk tea for about an hour. We were supposed to meet up at 12.00 pm, though I guess that didn’t happened. An hour passed, surprisingly I was still in a cool state and calm mind as patience is my worst subject.

     As she arrived, I just act dumb and continued fiddling with my PS VITA. Honestly, I was surprised when she suddenly ran over to me and gave her kor (big brother) a hug. It was my first hug, from my little sister. So touched… lols == After that, we rushed off to lunch. Celine’s dad was driving (friend’s dad), another guy trying to be funny. ==

      We chat, we eat and we walk about Bandar Indah. Ended up in some kind of FOC(Free of Charge) book shop?! I was like “What?! FOC?! Then how or what do they earn from?!” Apparently, It’s just some quiet place with 2 to 3 shelves of Chinese book.  They’ll serve you tea and you could do whatever you desire such as revision, read books, sketching and sorts.

     Moving alone, Celine’s house was obviously huge and definitely fully furnished. A little too furnished in fact. She owns a super cute kitty, which I bullied. It was funny when it kept trying to claw and bite me in a ….kitten manner? Small kitten, mixture of black and white colour and playful, that’s Celine’s kitty. My mei (little sister) who likes cats is terrified of that little kitten. How Hilarious!!! XD

     I practically just sat around her house listening to them screaming on and on to Linkin Park’s songs with her karaoke and stereo system. I bet their neighbors must seriously detest them. Escape, managed to persuade my mei to bring me go to the nearby jill for some ‘hiking’. For an adventurous guy like me, this is what I love to do most.

     Life, school, people and love. All random topics just popped up while we brother and sister were bonding. I truly did miss my mei, at least someone understands me. The day ended with our pictures taken.  Walked up to some random guy and requested him to help us take some shots. Confused, I forgot  to reset my camera settings as it was on timer, the guy was thinking “What the.,.. is something wrong with this camera?” XD

      Canon g10, I’m so sorry for soiling your name! XD

(END)
     

Carefree Day

13/11/2012 - Tuesday 
     Rolling on the bed, the sun is already shining so ever brightly at 8.00 in the morning. Half-awake, I just kept thinking of the girl I want to confess to. When will be the right time? Will I be successful? What’s her reaction? These thoughts just flicker through my mind.
     I had no plans for that. No appointment, no nothing. My grandma casually walked in the room to tell me that breakfast was ready. Being my usual self, I lay on my bed for awhile before getting up to prepare myself for the day.
     As I lay on my bed, I read the book ‘The Sorceress’ after satisfying my tummy. Phone rang, it was one of my gaming buddies.
     Perfect, go out to yumcha (similar to teatime) with my buddy. It has been a year since we’ve last met.
     The day just passed, just like that. We drank while chatting, gaming session for an hour, lunch then chat and the day goes on with drinking and chatting.
     Many topics were included. School, girls, others and life. The time didn’t matter, we had so much to catch up on. From 10.30 in the morning, we just literally drink and chat till 5.00 in the evening.
     Never had this experience before, there was just so much too much to talk about.

(END)

Reunion ~ (Friends 2)

15/11/2012 – Thursday
 

     “It has been a year long.”
     My mind just flickered through the memories I have since 1 year ago. So many things happened, now as a slightly different person, I once again meet and reunite with the friends I once abandoned.

     Strolled into Mc’Donald as my usual self, small bag sling across my shoulders with earphones stuck to my ears. A sigh of relief flushed across my face, a few of them arrived on time with familiar faces. At least, no major changes.

     As I sat down and mingle with the early birds, other familiar faces arrived. Some of them had grown taller, voice turned rougher, those who had short hair became long, some wore contact lens instead of spectacles and some… didn’t change at all. >_<

     From my opinion, they’re outer appearance may have changed a little though they’re attitude and personality remains the same. These are my friends that I once knew.

     Relationship status? Changed a lot throughout this year. Eight out of eleven people that attended that gathering, had started dating this year as in 78%. I’m one of the three people who MANAGED to remain single till now, the minority group. Those who I EXPECTED not to date before me but started dating already which made me really….. *Facepalm*. All I could think of was…”Gosh, I’m such a loser.”

     A casual greeting with a silent greeting from my heard, “We meet again.” ‘She’ came. Months of suffering and depression because of the mistakes I’ve regretted, I finally got to meet the girl I once loved before, 1/3 of the girls that really mattered to me.

     Slightly taller than before, hair grown much longer and her spectacles replaced by contact lens, she looks even more prettier and mature than before. She told me that at first sight, she didn’t recognized me but as I greeted her then she realized it was me. HOW SAD!!! :o Straightforward confrontation, agreed and accepted, those feelings we had once have been put aside. I fell for another, and I’m sure she fell for another too.

     We exchanged stories and had many to tell as we were having lunch.  Followed by photo shoot, so called, of my friends and I.

     One by one, each of them left after the gathering ended. “Just 2 hours? That was short, too short,” I thought to myself. It’ll probably be another year till we meet again.

     After I finish my yumcha (similar to teatime) with my friend, I set off to go hiking with my dear mei (little sister) once again.

(END) 

From right : Some random fella, Chau Man 

 Whao...taking picture with lenglui, Woohoo~ :3

 Er....?

 From right : Mei Fu, random guy, Yan Tung

 Picture of the day. This is just Hilarious!!!

 Owh...the so sweet couple~

 Missing one person actually~

Feelings....

Certain words that are flowing through my mind. 

Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? You build up hope but failure's all you've known. :)

I want to clarify first that i only own the first picture. 

What do these feelings mean to you?

22/11/2012 – Thursday

     Love… Hate… Like… Dislike… Anger… Sadness… All these are feelings, but what do you understand from them? Recently, I’ve just discovered or experience MY true feeling of love, this feeling that only brings sadness and destruction to my world. My definition of love would be the destruction of one’s life.

I understand that many have said love is a wonderful and glorious feeling. The feeling to really adore and care for someone else, this feeling is what makes us humans, humans who knows how to love others. The unusual feeling that makes our hearts races into excitement when we meet with someone we have feelings for and feels the unique warmth from their partners.  The feeling of love that we share with that special someone, we could always go to that someone, share our happiness and sadness, encounter problems together, no secrets, no boundaries and so much more…  The feeling that could just make one’s heart melt. Too bad… I can’t say the same for myself. J

 I’ve become so weak… my emotions are causing my mentality to go insane anytime soon. Thinking of her name causes my heart to beat unusually fast, looking at her causes me to feel like crying and speaking to her just ruins me entirely. That is love to me. A strong-willed guy like me breaks down because of his *ahem* love for a girl. 
     I haven’t cried in ages.. at least it felt like ages ago? I promised myself that I would not cry anymore since I was a kid because I have come to an understanding that crying is useless, non-beneficial. A young man crying is just known as weak and still a child, yet small tears came out from my eyes and I’m aware of it.

 There are moments when you would feel cold even if you’re in the warmest atmosphere, is not necessarily the symptoms of fever. My emotions and feelings affected my physical body to have that frozen feeling within me, inside of me. It’s so cold… 
     “What is wrong with me?! Stop it! Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP YOU FUCKING LOSER!” my voice just kept screaming at an empty room which deliberately means to me. I feel like slapping myself, hire someone to beat me up or even just suicide but for years I have suffered, I have endured and I know how to control myself. This cold world, I’m not qualified to fight in this war but then the one who falls is not by the world but by one self.

 There are times when you’re broken till you just want to curl up in sorrow at some corner of your room and weep.  Unfortunately, I did that. It’s pathetic, I know. Have you ever felt why it’s so hard to breathe because of your beating heart that seems to have a nail stuck there somewhere before? Well, that is what this feeling called love has done to me.

  As I start taking deep breaths, I have this huge urge to go on a rampage and destroy everything around me, the urge to hurt and destroy. “No, I have changed.” I should not resort to violence no matter what happens, I will have sinned for losing myself. Losing my sanity, pride and everything else I have endured and achieved. I will not be lifeless. Have i mentioned...every time after i break down, the following day I would grow as cold as ever? 

     Throughout the night… all I could dream of was glass cracking then… shattering. What is your definition of LOVE?      

Realization

There comes a time...

17/11/2012 - Saturday

     “Is this alright?”
The 16 year old teenager sets out at dawn seeking for inspirations. Didn’t really had a smooth night but had a seriously sweet dream that is strictly meant for fantasy. The dream pictures her and I actually doing stuff together as couples. Watching movies on the sofa, hanging out, going to conventions and sorts together. Almost as if I could feel her warmth…
     Walking alone once again, I’m searching for a place with less civilization, in other words less people. Like birds searching for a place to nestle, I’ve been searching for my solitude sanctuary. Deprived from people, I could always think better, feel better and have my peaceful time. Shutting myself out from the world, that is me.
     Resuming back on my thoughts, my mind filled with questions and start doubting myself again. It’s hard to forget the past days event, the event where I am rejected by a girl again. “Is this alright? Was it the right choice? Am I taking the wrong step again?”
     Reading through my inbox messages sent by her over and over again, I’m not sure if I realized something but…it feels like I’ve made a mistake somewhere AGAIN. Alright, I’m getting really sick of this word ‘again’ as I’ve been repeating the same mistakes.
     ‘First & Last’ chance, that’s what I felt like yet somehow I feel like screaming “Your Love Is Just A Lie”, a phrase used by Simple Plan in one of their songs.
     “Is this the girl I should be confessing to? Is she the one I’ve REALLY been waiting for? Was it the right choice to continue chasing and waiting for her or was it even the right choice to tell her that?” my mind couldn’t stop betraying my resolve to make myself hers and her to be mine.
      “As you keep blaming yourself, hurting yourself, you’ll end up loving her more, growing more depressed and worst DESPERATE,” these words definitely slammed me back into reality. As If I just crashed into a concrete wall, someone ignited the rebellious side of me like a volcano eruption with her words. Must thank her instead of teasing her next time, right? 

To just let the thoughts pass through

     Popularity, she’s like a magnet to all her guy friends as she is pretty and posses a sweet nature. “Am I just another idiot to fall for her? What do other guys see in her? Do they see what I see in her or just that she’s pretty and easy to might with?” I would usually prefer girls that are less popular, less competition and signs that show they’re unnoticed.
      Experience, I dislike girls with dating experience. It makes me feel inferior and not their ‘First & Last’, is that so hard to find? She, herself told me before that she has “Couple and couple after a few montha of breakup.” That doesn’t sound right… Who’s the unlucky one? The guys that she have dated before or her? She sounds overly experienced, normally after a breakup, girls will just keep themselves single for quite some time before dating again…Except for playgirls.. Is she one? I do not want to know , definitely it’ll bring me to tears again if I do. Happy or sad tears, which is it?
     Interest, how would a relationship survive without an interest to date each other? After several breakups, she has lost interest in ‘love’ and ‘relationship’ for…I don’t know how long. How could I proceed with anything else if she herself has lost interest? I, myself have been single all along not because I didn’t had the chance opportunity or chance to date but because I’ve been waiting for the right one to come by. Thus, my interest has been there all along, burning ever so brightly while waiting for the right girl to appear. Unfortunately, 4 years have passed since my adolescent stage have started and the flames are burning without fuel….burning me alive.. She dislikes guys chasing after her these days, what more if it’s someone like me? I’m not so worthy for her after all, too attractive for someone like me to date her.
      Lastly…should I continue waiting for her? Waiting for my chance to relive? I may sound desperate but…. Should I continue chasing after her? Challenges and depressions I will encounter..how many guys do I have to watch her date till it’s my turn again? How selfish of me, speaking of my friend as if she won’t get a permanent one. She will….someday, but when will that day be? I’d wish that person would be me, her last to protect and care for her, to love her but I guess that won’t be happening since the situation is like this.  

Angle or Demon?

Sincerely to xxx xxx,
“Take care of yourself, make sure to choose the ABSOLUTE right one next time… I’ll just be watching over you, be your guardian ‘angel/demon’, my friend. J”
 
(END)

Rejection....

How many times have this been?

16/11/2012 – Friday
     Awaken, I slept through the night but with sorrow in my heart. Still on the bed, unmoving, it seems like a dead body is lying on the bed. It was me, I’m just trying to recover from rejection.
      A quiet and peaceful night yet my eyes have blood-red veins around it, I think I cried in my sleep. Like a kitten trying to lick it’s wounds, I’m trying to do the same…. For the wounds/scars in my heart.
     It was dawn when I set out to look for inspirations, misty and quiet, I was alone walking the streets as sunrise is arriving soon. Earphones in my ears, like an idiot and by myself, I started singing ‘Silhouette – Owl City’ according to the music of choice.
     That voice was not mine. Clear and demanding, that is my voice but this…this croaked voice that seems to be about to cry, it came out from my voice.
     How glad I am to do what I will not regret and how sad I have been to regret over my mistakes. Half-prepared, I have been more shattered than standing strong. The dreams I had last night were just fantasy. It’s quite a coincidence the 2 dreams I had last night was like a mirror of my rejected confession.

Even i will....

break at certain times.

“Why…..? Why did this have to happen? Why must my jealousy crush me so much?” tiny drips of tears started to roll from my cheeks as my thoughts began to betray me.
     It’s raining, drizzling actually, tine and quiet drops of rains that makes an idiot like me think “Are the heavens crying for my sake?” Obviously not, it’s rainy season, delusions like these are just pathetic.

 One dream was she thrashed completely everything in my room including my very precious PS VITA. I raced to where she was, her room, I saw her completely hiding beneath the blanket. Flung the blanket aside, grabbed her and held her tightly to me. We started crying. “I don’t know why, I just suddenly….” As she trailed off, I told her “It’s alright…it’s alright…. That doesn’t matter… I promised to protect and take care of you and I will keep that promise.”
      Like in a movie, that scene of her and I hugging, shattered to welcome the second dream. The images were not so clear this time, like a badly signaled television, It glitches from time to time.
     In that dream, she told me the reality. Honest or not, I am not sure but it does mirror the actual reality, the fact. She was standing still and strong, she told me how she had loved me once, how I could have had a chance, how things could be different. The following things she told me, I didn’t manage to receive it, my mind has already sunk into darkness. I was devastated and alone once again….
     Drizzling is just small drops in fact tiny drops of rains to me, I’ve been through worst. Entirely soaked type of worst.

 “Is this a restricted area?” I thought as I climbed through the fence to return home. There were no signs portraying that it was a restricted area but with just a fence surround the place, I assumed it was opened to public. Careless, I got cut at the end of my hand, near my veins where the blood flows while climbing through the fence. 
     The feeling was numb, blood started flowing out, silently spreading across that area but I was the depressed to tend to my physical wound. My emotions were rather deep to be bothered about a scratch like that.
     It feels so dramatic, again…. Me walking under drizzle with earphones shutting me out from the world, lips movement formed at my lips but nothing came out… I was trying to break free with music from the inside out… 

(END)

Confessions

     Have you ever felt that nervous feeling whenever you're about to go on stage and give performance?

I have.
     Sometimes, or rather most of the time, I'll get nervous when I get into these kind of situations. My legs start to tremble, my body vibrates and my mind will be just in a mess.When i'm alone and by myself, I can say the most extraordinary or sweetest things in my mind. (Seriously) But when it comes to the time to SPEAK out from my voice, it ends up completely different with blank spaces and totally messed up.

     Confessions, they're even worst. I'm sure, trust me. In my 16 years of life, i have only tried to confess to girls twice. It feels as if... Major exams were just a walk in the park, giving a speech was child-play and performing arts in a huge audience was just a piece of cake. Confession of love is just between two people yet the hardest. for me anyways~
     The words i want to say to the girl I like keeps replaying in my mind. Heart beating and thumping so fast that i can't comprehend, I'm beyond nervous.
     Separated, confessing my love through the phone was difficult enough. Would I fainy if i confessed in real life? That is a question that I shouldn't dwell into.
     Unlock. Contacts. Search for her name. Then i got stuck on the next stage, Call. Waited for a moment. my phone auto locked. The new application 'Mazelock' that I installed not long ago suddenly feels so confusing and unsolvable. I kept on missing the dots. =_=
     Retry. Unlock. Contacts. Search for name and finally, call. Heart thumping even faster, I thought to myself "What is wrong with me? Just say what I want to say!"
     The messages in my mind that I want to deliver was separated into 3 fractions.
1. Apology
2. Encounter
3. Confession
Managed to complete the first part only. What will happen next?
     Either I was just too nervous or cowardly, I revealed 'Encounter' to her through text. It was quite a short text, I suppose, with missing sentences, I just send it to her. Her replies was to give me a chance to voice out part 3 'Confession' (She didn't know what was in part 3) when she have the proper 'Time & State'.
     Finally, part 3, confession...  Few days after I texted her 'Encounter', she replied, I was surprised as I thought she had forgotten about my very existence. Heart trembling, I paused for a moment to run through my thoughts before calling her.
     "Just do it! Just say what you can and want to say!" my mind forced me to just press the call button and face reality.
     As I spoke and heard her voice, my mind went blank. It was as if I haven't given a single thought about this, this is going to be horrible. I spoke and paused, spoke again then paused. Somewhere around the middle of the 'conversation', she started laughing...not in a bad way ofcourse~ So, I just forced myself to be as straightforward as possible while trying to be casual. *Beep* The conversation ended...in an odd manner and I just.... waited for her answer through the text.

     After that incident between her and I, I have already expected her answer. Rejection. I've been preparing myself for rejection since quite a while...yet somehow, I'm only half prepared. One side of me stood strong and accepted her answer. While the other...just broke down, shattered into not even to pieces but dust.
     The one side that stood strong told me "Never give up, give everything you've got, you still have a chance. Keep chasing her till death...or something like that."
     The other side that shattered told me... "You've lost your chance. There are so many guys out there that adore her, why would she choose you? She gave you a chance once and that was your 'First & Last' chance. It's no use trying to win her back anymore, give up. You've lost her. You always lose the girl you truly love. Always have lost and always will lose, that is your DESTINY."

(END)

Reunion ~ (Friend)

10/11/2012 - Saturday 

     Since we've last met, one year has passed already. So many have changed especially me, I have been through changes throughout this year. Returning to my hometown, Sandakan, how excited was I to look back on my history pages.

     As the plane touched the land that is my hometown, I thought to myself "At long last, I'm home". Fresh and new, I'm home as the same person yet somewhat different. It was vaguely about 6 in the evening yet it's already so dark. How odd it feels compared to West Malaysia. 

     Plans made. Options decided. I'm home to visit the place I love, taste the food I adore and most of all reunite with my precious friends I once disappeared on. My original plan was actually to meet Xiao Thong as the first person once I reached home. Though many things have happened, I've been set free by myself. 

     Saturday morning, I awoke at such early hour. Clearly eager to meet my friend, Xuan Er. Set out by foot to the town, my cousin and I accompanied my grandma for some grocery shopping, breakfast and hair saloon for her haircut. After that, we just waited at the promised location until she arrives. 

     Short hair and with a bright smile, Xuan Er ran across the road with the same features as before. Her ladylike personality and cheerfulness still remains the same, how utterly relived i was. 

     The awkwardness between my cousin and Xuan Er was quickly resolved as she was an easy person to befriend with. Anyways, we wandered the streets of the town just for the sake of sight-seeing and enjoy the moments/company we have together. My cousin kind of just went off to visit my relative as an excuse to escape from our reunion as he has no relations in this reunion.

     Lunch, brought her to 'The Boss 2' or rather she was the one who brought me there. Sitting just directly in front of her, i dare not stare into her eyes as I'm quite a shy person. We ended up sharing our stories of this year that passed by. Chatting while eating and chatting after eating, we just had so much to share with one another.

     Before we planned this reunion, we already promised to have our picture taken together. Being a gentleman, i payed the bill and we both set out to search for a good place to have our pictures taken, I chose the seaside. 

     Unfortunately, it was quite a sunny afternoon. The brightness kind of affects my camera vision, so i'm not sure if i was able to get good shots. We just sat down by the seaside, chat for awhile and head off to Mc'Donald's for dessert.
     Taking pictures in public with a girl, something i do not often experience. It felt like a date, as if we're couples on  a date. Though it's not. :P The two of us have mutual feelings as friends and that's how WE feel things should be. :)
     Accompanying her back to her parents' office, that was the end of our reunion. Standing by the steps of the stairs leading to her parents' office, I just looked at her. I thought to myself "How much longer will it be till we meet again?" I wanted to hug her as I'll miss my dear friend once again but being my usual self, i just gave a little smile and greet goodbye.

Hope we meet again soon, my friend. :)

Words Unspoken : Written

Those words running through your mind,
Those sentences, essays and so on that travels constantly in your mind,
The things you want to SCREAM out to the world,
How do you express them? How do you let them out to the world?

Through your Tongue, Spoken words?
Through your Art, Expressed words?
or
Through your Writings, Written words?

My words, that travels through my mind every single second in my life, my feelings, my desires, my hopes, my dreams and everything that i want to say.
They are through my words, the Written words...
I express my thoughts through my stories written in words,
I express my feelings through my blog written in words,
and so much more i express through words.

Spoken words have always been more powerful. Simpler to reach out to the world.
They are direct and straightforward.
A leader with Spoken words of gold can lead a country through amazing success.

Unlike Written words,
They are much more quiet. It doesn't mean that it is not powerful but it is harder to reach out to the world.
They are indirect and always comes with riddles and questions.
Words to play the mind and make people think, people are just so lazy.
They want everything to be laid out.
A Writer with Written words of gold can touch hearts and also do amazing things

Whenever i start reading story books and novels of my interest,
I always admire the writer,
Their writing style,
Their thoughts,
Their view of the world and how the world is.

I am just an amateur. An aspiring writer to write for self-interest.
I want to learn, how to touch hearts with my words just for the sake of reaching out to people...

Quiet and lonely.
I tend to isolate myself from the world at certain times.
Only words of sadness travel through my mind, those words unexpressed and not to be meant to be shared.
No wonder i'm such a hopeless romantic,
Those words that i want to say, are always in my mind, or else written at some place where nobody can see or know.

I can be an unexceptional speaker if i want to be.
I definitely sound arrogant right now but,
Give me a chance to give my life speech, and you'll be surprised by who i can be.
But who i want to be? That's a different question.


So... how do you express yourself to the world?

Spoken words?
Expressed words?
or
Written words?

My spectacles that represents, what i see through my eyes, not just what's not the outside but occasionally on the inside too where it matters.

Sometimes, i just sit around and start to wonder.
Those 3 girls that really mattered to me throughout my 16 years.
What have i done? What should i have done?
Those questions can endless.

Time. Is it really gold?

As a kid, there comes seasons when,
You play all day long,
You get bullied all the time,
You don't give a damn about anything at all,
You do dumb stuff all the time,
and
You make friends easily all the time?
Time pass by without caring or even noticing, and you turn into a teenager.

As a teenager, there comes season when,
You get stressed out from exams,
Your lazy and wants to do nothing all day,
You just want to suicide because things are so tough,
Your parents are too busy to care for you,
You just want to be free and do whatever you want,
You fall in love,
You get heartbroken,
You meet friends,
You get betrayed,
You experience so many new things that you couldn't cope with,
and so so much more...
Sooner and later, those 7 years of your life goes by, and you turn into a young adult.

Young adult then adult and so on.
Those which i have not been through yet.

I'm in my teenage years and it's already been 4 years since i've started going to 5 years and after that, just 2 more years and i'll become a young adult.
What's awaiting me in the future? How does it look for me?
Good or bad? Bright or dark? Happy or sad? Successful or failure?

I'm excited yet scared.
I can't wait for it yet i don't want to continue this journey.
So many more stories to come yet i'm already fed up with my current stories already.
Is it really worth, staying alive longer, to wait and see something unpredictable to happen?
Is time really gold to me?

Junior's Story : Similar stories from Different views.

Today is the last day of school for the Form 4 students, that means the beginning of the holidays!
Well i didn't attend school today because...it's rather inconvenient for me to do so... :3
Anyways, while i was slacking, online, my junior started chatting with me.

She wanted...advise i guess? >_<
Well for some reasons, girls tend to come to me for advice when they have problems. (not just her)

It started with.
"Urm if you go out with a girl, u think of it as an outing but she thinks of it as a date.. Then one day she asks if it was a date what will u do? How will u answer ><".
and that means.
Girl-boy relationship problems. :3

You see... this guy, her senior. Asked her to go out with him on a movie as a date but she thought of him as a brotherly figure and thought of it as an outing.
But that slick guy, was so bold.
She said "I answered 'if i knew it was a date i might not have gone' then he somewhat got sad or something
Cos i thought of him as a brother >< then when we were cold in the cinema he hug me i'm like thinking nothing cos i thought it was a brother sister thingy".
Hahaha, that cracked me coz i knew i wouldn't be as bold as he is.

So the story goes on,
"Cos that time he liked someone else.. So when he asked me out i was like okay.. I need to clear my mind off some stuff so.. Just go lo >< until last night he told me it was a date... :/"
Gave some of my opinion and advice,
and she continued "But he liked someone else. So if he likes someone else and i like someone else we go out it aint a date right >< urm actually he didnt use the word outing. He just ask i free to go watch movie or not i say yes".

Bla bla bla,
then she said "Really? But what if we remain enemies forever, that will be bad :(
He's kind of a sensitive person. Anyway he's same age as u xD"
I told her ignoring and hating are different.
At that point, something hit me.
Ignoring her forever? That sounds similar.

Something similar...something that happened to me...
So it was my turn to tell her my story...

After hearing my story, she asked "Hm.. But arent u worried u guys might be like this forever? :/".
It was just simple question, yet... i'm not entirely sure of my answer...

After that, she said "he like to 'kao lui' though.. He knows the girls in my class and i didnt even know he was invited to her birthday party .. I was thinking maybe he's not that lonely after all but then he say when he left no one noticed and they were all playing game. Thats when i feel bad again ><
I thought guys were carefree :("

So in return i answered,
"We too have feelings, when we get serious, then it really matters.
Girls? have always a serious matter to us, except for playboys :3
We 'kao lui'(flirt) and see other girls but only 1 girl truly matters :3"

As the conversation goes on... she keeps thinking negatively of herself..
She kept telling me that she feels like she's just annoying him. She's not worth his attention anymore and stuff like that. and most of all she kept apologizing.
I thought.... Words like... "You're not worth my attention anymore" and "I'm sorry", they're just too familiar to me because it happened recently... Too recent for me... The sorrow i felt in these 1-2 months, felt like days just passed by and i still have a year to go.

The rest of our conversation, is just about the 2 of them getting back together as friends.
There are only 2 outcomes in situations like this : Friends/Strangers.
So i shared my story and my outcome was. Strangers once again.
How nostalgic... and how sad...
I wonder, did i really make the right choice?

The last decisive message... to ignore or to be friends once again?

My junior said... "Sorry if i'm wrong. U're just pretending she doesn't exist, arent u? U're making sure u treat her like a stranger. Thats not natural.. Eventually u both will get hurt or something

Oh wait i shouldnt talk crap. Sorry ><".
So i told her "'I'm just trying to living past this, give her a new experience.

let her learn, how much a person who cares can turn to hate

she who treasures her friends like gold, let her learn how it feels like to lose a friend."

That was my motive or rather objective. For her to learn, to feel. How many more challenges will she face in the future?

I don't know.
Like a rollercoaster,
If it doesn't falls down and just keeps on rising, how will it be fun?
It's bound to fall down someday at a certain point.   

So, i'll be the fall. Hopes she have fun in her life?

By the way, seems like i'm a little of topic here.
My junior and friend is currently thinking of a way to get back with her friend.
All i have to say "I'm glad, at least she tried". For both of the girls. My junior and ....

At some point in life, there comes a time when a man have to give one of this (what's inside) to a girl he truly loves.
Giving it and giving it with his heart inside are two entirely different meaning.
To have his hard work, feelings, heart and everything else inside. Given to that 1 girl.

I'm BROKE!!! Once again~

Assassin's Creed 3 : Liberation, for PS VITA.
Just released on 30/11/2012.
So far, Assassin's Creed games are based on men.
This time is based on a woman.

The game is set between 1765 and 1780, and primarily features Aveline de Grandpré, a female African-French Assassin around the end of the French and Indian War, in 18th Century New Orleans.(Wikipedia)

Alright, so i got a bit annoyed with my sister getting everything when she did nothing to earn it. While i worked and literally worked part-time jobs to get whatever i want and my mom finally agreed to buying me something for the year. So i chose this. 

Next Friday, 09/11/2012, i'll be flying back to my hometown in Sandakan.
Woohoo, balik kampung!!!
Though there won't be any wifi or any entertainment at night...
So, i hopefully this will be able to keep me occupied for the 9 nights i will be there.

Well, i'm pretty much broke. 
My MP3 costed me RM200.
My new hairdo costed me another RM148. (No pictures)
Owh damn... if i think about it...how many days and nights did it took me to earn all those money? *facepalm*

Peaceful Days with my Dog~

 *What you want?*

 My dog's favourite seat.

Yeap, that's my dog and yes, i do have a dog. =_=

Anyways, her name is Polly.

Though she have tons of nicknames.

Usually i just call her 'Pom-Pom', coz it sounds nicer~
My dog seriously barks A LOT especially when i'm sleeping or eating.

Ugh, you'll hate it if that happens to you.
But most of the time, she's a great company.

Normally, i would be alone at home.

Dad always working in estate.
Mom always working in her office.
Eldest sister studying in uni.
Second sister studying in uni.

So i'll always turn to my dog for company.

Play with her, bully her, disturb her when she's sleeping and occasionally nap beside her.
Words like 'Go out' and 'Chicken', instantaneously, she'll react to it. Those are her favourite words.
So, even i can't tell either going out or chicken is more important to her. :/

My dog enjoys 'outside' very much.

Those boring days when i have nothing to do.
Just lie down beside my dog feels better than lying on my bed alone.



Ugh....on the side note....

I think i'm sick =_= *facepalm*.
Few days started having flu, then came along my constant dehydration, headache and finally slight fever.
Rainy seasons woohoo, there goes my holiday. :3

Random gift and Music Is part of My Life.

It's Friday!! Second last day or last day of school for me.
SPM is early this year so we have our holidays earlier!
After getting back from school, took a quick shower and shot off straight for work.
DOME Paintball suddenly called me up yesterday to work coz today they got tournament.
Tired, sticky and utterly comfortable with 'paint' oil all over my body.
Walked in my room and a random gift appeared in front of my computer.
By instincts, i know for sure, my dad is home.
He always does this, giving me random gifts, causing me to need to find another place to put these stuff.
Usually he got these things by something else and someone else, then he'll pass it to me.
Like i said, most of the time he's an @sshole.
But in actual fact, he just doesn't know how to express his care for things.

 My RM200 MP3.
Just bought it yesterday, my previous one was taken back by my sister.
Originally is hers, and she wants to use it in Nation Service.
Anyways, wherever i go, MP3 is like a must bring item.
Without it, i'm not sure if i can maintain my sanity.
Whenever things get to loud or annoying, i can just shut my world away with music.
Example : Reading my story books in a noisy restaurant, MP3 would be perfect at that moment.