10/12/2013 –
Tuesday
It is finally over. It feels so unreal but
it is real. My high school life is finally over. SPM has ended since last week
and now I’m waiting to face my next phase of life. I’m going to be a college
student!!! ^^
I feel like I’m 13 years old right now but
I’m actually turning 18 in a few months…. It feels so strange to be at this age… I used
to look at my seniors and wonder how they think when they were at this age but
now, it’s my turn and I feel strange. I don’t feel like I’m at this age at
all.. ><
The end of high school… would also mean
the ending between my high school love and I.
Here’s
the summary of my memory about her:
We met
in class when I switched from Science stream to Commerce stream. I got to know
her through Facebook when she was sick one day. Every single day, we would chat
and I would learn about her little by little. Her past, her life, her feelings,
her likes, her dislikes and everything about her I want to know about her.
When she
is sick, I would be worried till I have sleepless nights. When she share her pains with me, I would want
to replace her and suffer the pain for her. When she cries, I want protect her
with everything I have. When she is happy, my heart just feels so enlightened
and when she smiles, my whole world felt perfect.
When we
were 16, she fainted for one whole day and my heart was unrest till I received
her reply. We had arguments because I couldn’t control myself. I felt jealous
because there are other guys better at taking care of her than me, I felt I
wasn’t needed and so, I kept my distance. All I ever wanted was her to be happy
and safe. In the end, she was the one
who said sorry while I was at fault. Not long after that, I confessed to her
and she rejected me. Being rejected felt so painful that the scar near my wrist
(accident) feels painless.
When we
were 17, we became friends again. It was hard and awkward at first… Looking at
her and trying my best to show her my smile as she walks pasts me every day during
assembly. I manage to stand my ground momentarily but her smile just renders me
defenseless. I felt like we did so many
things together. I asked her to tutor me Maths even when I don’t need it but
just because I want to be with her. This whole year long, I tried so hard to
show her how much I love her. I kept
telling her that I don’t want her to care for me and just stay happy but
actually…. I wanted her to care for me, I wanted her to love me as much as I
loved her, I wanted to call her mine and I wanted her to call me hers. I tried
to hide the fact that I am selfish because I expect something from her after giving
to her.
Yes, it
is true that I told others about me treating you as a friend. She, herself
treated me like a friend and that is why I lie to myself that she is only a
friend to me. After a series of events, I hated her for some time but in the
end, my love for her is stronger than my hate for her. I say I don't care, but my heart feels like it's going to burst when I hold myself back from caring....
Even so,
this journey, ended with a simple goodbye and that is the end for ‘us’ and ‘love’.
My
wishes for her right now… It’s still the same. I wish that she will always be
happy and safe. I wish that her smile will never fade away. I wish that one day, she will meet her prince whom will love
her and protect her as his princess.
The
story ends here. Hope we will meet again one day with a cheerful and genuine
smile. ^^
Thank
you and farewell, Yong Pue Yee, my high school love.
