Farewell

10/12/2013 – Tuesday

     It is finally over. It feels so unreal but it is real. My high school life is finally over. SPM has ended since last week and now I’m waiting to face my next phase of life. I’m going to be a college student!!! ^^

     I feel like I’m 13 years old right now but I’m actually turning 18 in a few months….  It feels so strange to be at this age… I used to look at my seniors and wonder how they think when they were at this age but now, it’s my turn and I feel strange. I don’t feel like I’m at this age at all.. ><

     The end of high school… would also mean the ending between my high school love and I.

Here’s the summary of my memory about her:

We met in class when I switched from Science stream to Commerce stream. I got to know her through Facebook when she was sick one day. Every single day, we would chat and I would learn about her little by little. Her past, her life, her feelings, her likes, her dislikes and everything about her I want to know about her.

When she is sick, I would be worried till I have sleepless nights.  When she share her pains with me, I would want to replace her and suffer the pain for her. When she cries, I want protect her with everything I have. When she is happy, my heart just feels so enlightened and when she smiles, my whole world felt perfect.

When we were 16, she fainted for one whole day and my heart was unrest till I received her reply. We had arguments because I couldn’t control myself. I felt jealous because there are other guys better at taking care of her than me, I felt I wasn’t needed and so, I kept my distance. All I ever wanted was her to be happy and safe.  In the end, she was the one who said sorry while I was at fault. Not long after that, I confessed to her and she rejected me. Being rejected felt so painful that the scar near my wrist (accident) feels painless.

When we were 17, we became friends again. It was hard and awkward at first… Looking at her and trying my best to show her my smile as she walks pasts me every day during assembly. I manage to stand my ground momentarily but her smile just renders me defenseless.  I felt like we did so many things together. I asked her to tutor me Maths even when I don’t need it but just because I want to be with her. This whole year long, I tried so hard to show her how much I love her.  I kept telling her that I don’t want her to care for me and just stay happy but actually…. I wanted her to care for me, I wanted her to love me as much as I loved her, I wanted to call her mine and I wanted her to call me hers. I tried to hide the fact that I am selfish because I expect something from her after giving to her.

Yes, it is true that I told others about me treating you as a friend. She, herself treated me like a friend and that is why I lie to myself that she is only a friend to me. After a series of events, I hated her for some time but in the end, my love for her is stronger than my hate for her. I say I don't care, but my heart feels like it's going to burst when I hold myself back from caring....

Even so, this journey, ended with a simple goodbye and that is the end for ‘us’ and ‘love’.

     My wishes for her right now… It’s still the same. I wish that she will always be happy and safe. I wish that her smile will never fade away. I wish that one day, she will meet her prince whom will love her and protect her as his princess.

The story ends here. Hope we will meet again one day with a cheerful and genuine smile. ^^

Thank you and farewell, Yong Pue Yee, my high school love.