22/11/2013 –
Friday
I am at the end of my 3rd week
of SPM examination. All the stressful subjects are completed! I still have to
sit for two more subjects (2 more weeks) and that will be the end of my
high-school examinations! This has been a suffering week for me. I had to
struggle against my stress during exams to avoid ‘Panic Attacks’ while tackling
examinations. Initially, I thought I’m about to lose my mind and go insane. I
visited a doctor to check what’s up. Apparently, ‘panic attacks’ are common for
students and working adults.
I have developed a fear for exams during
my previous papers. It has never happened before, but it’s happening at the
worst time. I get anxious whenever I’m in the exam room. This week was smoother
for me because I went on medication and I used some tricks to calm myself down. At
least, it wasn’t so bad.
“Lately, I’ve been thinking of you. Can’t
you feel that someone is… thinking of you, lately?~” ^^
Anyways,
for these past 2 weeks, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Day and night, almost
every minute of my life, I think of her. The feeling is like when I first fell
in love with her. It’s a sweet pleasurable feeling compared to being mad at her
and hating her. This feeling is so sincere, it’s so soft and it’s so pleasant.
It’s just 10 more days before our separation, so I try to make the best out of
it. I guess I’m trying to end this story and let it go in a nice manner instead
of a hateful ending.
Honestly, this ‘love’ I have for her that
lasted almost two years. It is a great and wonderful experience. Sure, I’ve
been hurt very badly and she drives me crazy of frustration at times, but all
this helped me to grow. She taught me how to endure, she taught me how to overcome
hatred with love, she taught me how to be positive and so many more. She never
actually taught me anything but all the experiences I had with her, they are
lessons that I’ve learned unintentionally.
I had sweet memories with her such as walking
her home daily, watching her smile, carrying her while we laugh together,
cuddling her from her back as she lean on me and so on. Bitter memories, they become my lessons.
Although I hate them, but I still have to learn them. They teach me how to
overcome problems that I will face in the future.
The day when our story really ends is
drawing near. We don’t have to meet each other anymore and we won’t ever have
to cross paths again. I don’t even have anything to keep as memories because we
never took pictures together, she never gives me anything and whatsoever, so
her existence pretty much dissolves as we separate. She lives her life and I
live mine. In the future, I might totally forget about her, remember her but
bear no feelings towards her or I’ll love her for the rest of my life.
I don’t know what will happen to me but when
I enter college, I’ll have a new story to tell. She will too, but then, that’s
her story…which means, it’s none of my business anymore. J
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