The Least Promising

24/11/2013 – Sunday

     I’ve started studying since I was 4 and now I’m 17. So, I’ve been in the education life for 13 years and counting. Every single year, all I face are books, assignments, teachers and anything related to education. My parents have been pressuring my sisters and I throughout our lives. They always expect a lot out from us not only because of our future but also their own pride as parents. 

     I would be their last child who would be finishing his SPM soon.  My dad supported my eldest sister’s education from A-Levels up to her degree. She’s still studying in degree though while he supported my second sister up to A-Levels because she managed to achieve full scholarship for degree herself.

     Last but not least, he refused to support my further education. “Wait… what?” My dad has the biggest income in the whole family. My mom has salary from her job too but that’s not a lot. Anyways, it’s not like he couldn’t support my college funds but it’s just that he doesn’t want to. “Da fug? You pressured me for 13 years in this shitty education which was FREE because it is being paid by the government and now you decided to back out at the most crucial time of my life?!”

I’ve never liked studying because it’s such a bore but when I finally wanted to study seriously for my future, you refuse?

     I got 2 words for you. “Fuck you.” If you don’t want to support me through college, I can live with that. It may be a little reckless and harsh if I was to start my permanent career now but I can do it. I’ll just use everything I’ve gained till now and work my ass off to earn a living in my future. I will lose whatever pride I have, working all sorts of odd jobs. Jobs with low income, jobs which are looked down by others and jobs nobody wants. I don’t give a fuck, if I’m given a chance to succeed, be it going for further studies or not, I’ll take that chance and succeed.

     I’ve been a surprise to my parents all my life. In fact, my existence is already a surprise.  My father wanted a son after he has gotten two daughters and behold, his third and last child is me. You wanted a son and you got it but now you’re just going to do whatever you like just because you’re fucked up? Go ahead, see if I care, I’m old enough to take care of myself anyways. It may be a tough life but I’ll still be able to endure living it.

     If I’m not successful, then fine. I’ll just live a sad life or I’ll just kill myself but If I live to be successful one day, don’t fucking bother looking for me when you need help because I’d be long gone and be disappeared in the shadows of your world.     

     At least, my mom is still supporting me. She’d save as much as she can to get me through college and university. I feel sorry for her as I understand how she feels with money. I’m quite reluctant to follow the circle of life now. Go kindergarten > Go school > Go College > Go University > Get a job. I don’t want my mom to suffer all this anymore. I’m not that keen to education so scholarships are a ‘no go’ for me. Oh well, I’ll just let God decide how my fates go. Time is short, my future will be decided starting from next year.