The 'Old' and 'New'.

 30/01/2013 – Wednesday

      The other day when my friends and I were slacking around after lunch, I just remembered something or rather someone that was very precious to me…once. 

     It was the period of free time I had before Photography Club activities begin. My friends and I were talking about nonsense as usual as we just had our lunch together at some hawker store nearby our school.

     One of the Form 3 Prefect who is a girl, walked past us and I told my friends that she definitely resembled a girl who I used to hold dear deep inside me. Well, used to resemble because my friend…’2907’ changed quite a bit over the years… >_< She grew more mature and her features changed gradually.

     I took out my camera, fiddled with it and found the picture I was looking. It seems like I haven’t removed it from my camera, the picture of my beloved friends and I in a group photo. I showed it to my friends and said “This is my so called ‘First Love’. Does she resemble our Form 3 junior over there?” 

     One of the girls above. :P

     In an instant, all the memories flashed back. The memories we had, the feelings we shared and the days we spent together. She was the girl who sat beside me when I was in Form 1 and also the same girl who I gave up on 3 years later. I remembered how I would react when I see her or her pictures. I’ll be stunned for a moment, my skips a beat and…and… I’ll just be mesmerized.

     There is this saying that I’ve heard somewhere before… The first love always hurts the most… or something like that~ 

View the world from a more slanted angle~

“Who knows?”

     The funny thing is, right now, I look at a picture with her in it. I only see a girl who is my friend, just a friend like all others. Friends I care and believe in.

     “It’s so weird…”

     Those nights when I cried because I miss her so much, I was separated from her. I was a fool, I didn’t even know that she already had a boyfriend who is my very own friend, I trust my friend will take care of her properly and I pray that I trust the right person. They all mean nothing to me now because all those feelings are lost, gone. 

     My friend told me, “旧的不去，新的不来” (The old has to go before the new will come)

     I told him in return, “The old has gone but so is the new.”

What does his ‘old’ and ‘new’ represent? Is it chances or is it feelings? I understand that my chances are both gone but what about my feelings? 2907 means nothing more than a friend to me, a friend like all others. ‘She’ is my friend too but ‘she’ also means my happiness. 

Lost, Gone. 

I think of ‘her’ day and night, every single day. Awake or asleep, I will think or dream of ‘her’. (Occasionally dream, not all the time). I’ll feel like…*bang!* I’ve been shot somewhere when some other guys gets close to her. When a picture of her pops out at my News Feed, I’ll be stunned for a moment, heart skips a beat and be mesmerized over and over again. (Same reaction as before) When she smiles, oh…, I’ll be unable to stop myself from smiling for some time~ (Emotions runs wild into happy land)

     “The old is gone, what about the new? I need to neutralize the feelings I have for ‘her’ before I can move on and another new will come.”

Time will heal me eventually and these unnecessary feelings I have for you, they too will be lost, gone. Just as friends, the best relationship we ‘should’ and ‘would’ ever share. I want all this pain, pain from loving you to stop. 

Lost In Thoughts.

28/01/2013 – Monday

     *Sigh*

There are odd days for me when I just sit down, do nothing and began to be lost in my own thoughts.

 The park was completely empty, so quiet and peaceful. I just sat on a bench, under a tree that shades the calmingly moderate sunlight. The breeze that blows slowly and gently makes the world feels so relaxing.

     “Why?”

     The song from my MP3 was so soothing and somewhat sad causing my own feelings to react accordingly. I began to think of ‘her’ again, the memories and the dreams that will never come true.

     “Why?”

      How hard is it to forget these unnecessary feelings for ‘her’? Why can’t I tune everything back to when we just met? I have told myself that in the future, there will be even more ‘perfect’ girls for me. So, why can’t I just let go? It definitely seems easy enough… 

     “So, why can’t I?”

因为我爱你，我的朋友。 我怕，你会被别人抢走。

(Because I love you, my friend. I am afraid, you will be taken away by someone else.)

    

(END)

I Quit!

I quit!
"Wait...hold on..I was the one who signed up for this...Why should I be complaining again?"

Thus, I shall quit without complaining. :3
I realized something..something that I should have remembered all along.

"What is my reason for working?"

My reason is to gain experience and have fun! So, I shouldn't complain why am I working so tough as a student to earn some petty cash! Honestly, not to brag but my family sponsors enough for me to spend. I don't need those petty cash because I only spend on food!

"Why should I be working if I don't want?"

I have no reason to do so! It's just that my own mind is messing with me!

Conclusion, I am quitting work and going to start having some fun as a teenager :3.

"What am I going to do for my weekends then...? Aside from my Scout's meeting, I need to do something for my youth to continue burning on instead of rotting at home~ :3"

I have 3 choices actually. :P
1. Baking Classes
2. Drum Lessons
3. Gym

Freshly baked Vanilla Flavoured Cupcakes~ ;)

To taste how it feels to be in Culinary Arts? :3
Baking classes will definitely be beneficial for me, my future career and it's usefulness in life~
From the beginning, I have interest in activities such as baking and cooking though I haven't really reached the starting point of it. 

I guess this should be a considerable time for me to start? :3
Baking...so many uses...Could use it to make tasty food for myself to eat, bake for my 'loved' ones and perhaps even make some profit if my pastries taste fantastic!

Drumming....Oh I miss the feeling hitting those beats. 

I used to play the drums...just simple and very basic techniques when I was young.

It was some sort of church activity but it ended at one point and I didn't play drums anymore.

I must admit that going for drum lessons is not very beneficial for me because it's not like i'll play in a band or earn money from it, I'm just not cut out for that kind of stuff~

Hitting some beats is good for my youth, It's not beneficial but I can enjoy myself and really have fun as a teenager though drumming is much more than that because it's not as easy as it seems. >_<
It'll give me adrenaline to rock out and feel as if i'm fighting for freedom. 

Obviously this is not my artwork. (Not that pro)

Last but not least, I have the option of going to the Gym. :3
There are 2 reasons why people go to the gym.

i) Lose weight and slim down

ii) Build up muscles and keep fit

Well I think I fall in category 2 because my body size is....average? O.o

Simple explanation when it comes to Gym, build up muscles and that's it coz I feel kinda puny and weak with my current body size now. :3 

Well what do you think?
Baking, Drums or Gym? :3 

Only You Could.

10/01/2013 – Thursday

     “She is just so addictive.”

     My mind is in a bind, but that bind is both troubling yet delirious. This mind of mine thinks of her more than anything else and anyone else right now, that marks a threat to my emotions.

     “Why?” I ask of myself. I am trying to let go of these feelings that I have for her but instead, it seems like I am falling for her all over again. The feelings I held for her has been reduced to something more feeble by me. Fortunately/Unfortunately, those feelings burst out from the shackles that I have placed on them. They return being more passionate than ever, she makes my heart throb endlessly for her.

     “I feel it is as if she resonates something to me, something so gentle and sweet, something that puts my mind at ease and soul at peace, though it is nothing more than just my imagination, I suppose.”

     She is like a drug to me. There is this saying that I remember from The Golden Couple, “You never try, you’ll never know but when you try, you’ll never go.” Once I knew her and learned about her, it is already assured that I will not be able to resist her easily. Like a drug, once you have tried it, you’ll never stop wanting it. I am not able to stop myself from craving to see her smile with her pretty face and more importantly, with her graceful personality that I adore. Even if adoring her is a crime to me but yet, I could not contain myself for wanting her even more.

     I always wanted to speak with her. She is popular, friends surround her all the time, I dare not speak to her in the public’s view and I don’t know why either. The very first time we spoke was just a short and simple conversation regarding her ‘S’ size shirt being too huge for her and the very first time that she first spoke to me, I had to make a painful mistake, I walked away without a word. Those 2 words that came from her, I will never forget “I’m sorry”, I never wanted to hear that sentence from her because I was the one at fault.

     I am so close to her yet I feel as if I’m worlds apart from her because almost every single day, I could see her but just couldn’t reach her. I tend to ask the girls that I have shared my stories with.

     “How do I forget a girl?”

     One of my junior searched Google and suggested that I should start thinking negative of her or delete her number. “No, I can’t do any one of those two. I just can’t.” It is such a simple thing to do, yet I am unable to. My junior ended up saying, “Then you should forget about forgetting her.” Another junior of mine suggested that I should just wait for the time to pass and eventually my feelings for ‘her’ will fade but it seems like my heart beats for ‘her’ even more as time passes.

     So, how do you forget a person whom is dearest to you? J

May I have one last 'dance', please? ;)