The other day
when my friends and I were slacking around after lunch, I just remembered
something or rather someone that was very precious to me…once.
It was the period
of free time I had before Photography Club activities begin. My friends and I
were talking about nonsense as usual as we just had our lunch together at some
hawker store nearby our school.
One of the Form 3 Prefect who is a girl, walked past us and
I told my friends that she definitely resembled a girl who I used to hold dear
deep inside me. Well, used to resemble because my friend…’2907’ changed quite a
bit over the years… >_< She grew more mature and her features changed
gradually.
I took out my
camera, fiddled with it and found the picture I was looking. It seems like I
haven’t removed it from my camera, the picture of my beloved friends and I in a
group photo. I showed it to my friends and said “This is my so called ‘First
Love’. Does she resemble our Form 3 junior over there?”
One of the girls above. :P
In an instant,
all the memories flashed back. The memories we had, the feelings we shared and
the days we spent together. She was the girl who sat beside me when I was in
Form 1 and also the same girl who I gave up on 3 years later. I remembered how
I would react when I see her or her pictures. I’ll be stunned for a moment, my
skips a beat and…and… I’ll just be mesmerized.
There is this
saying that I’ve heard somewhere before… The first love always hurts the most…
or something like that~
View the world from a more slanted angle~
“Who knows?”
The funny thing
is, right now, I look at a picture with her in it. I only see a girl who is my
friend, just a friend like all others. Friends I care and believe in.
“It’s so weird…”
Those nights when
I cried because I miss her so much, I was separated from her. I was a fool, I
didn’t even know that she already had a boyfriend who is my very own friend, I
trust my friend will take care of her properly and I pray that I trust the
right person. They all mean nothing to me now because all those feelings are
lost, gone.
My friend told
me, “旧的不去，新的不来”
(The old has to go before the new will come)
I told him in return,
“The old has gone but so is the new.”
What does his ‘old’ and ‘new’ represent? Is it chances or is it
feelings? I understand that my chances are both gone but what about my
feelings? 2907 means nothing more than a friend to me, a friend like all others.
‘She’ is my friend too but ‘she’ also means my happiness.
Lost, Gone.
I think of ‘her’ day and night, every single day. Awake or asleep,
I will think or dream of ‘her’. (Occasionally dream, not all the time). I’ll
feel like…*bang!* I’ve been shot somewhere when some other guys gets close to
her. When a picture of her pops out at my News Feed, I’ll be stunned for a
moment, heart skips a beat and be mesmerized over and over again. (Same
reaction as before) When she smiles, oh…, I’ll be unable to stop myself from
smiling for some time~ (Emotions runs wild into happy land)
“The old is gone, what
about the new? I need to neutralize the feelings I have for ‘her’ before I can
move on and another new will come.”
Time will heal me eventually and these unnecessary feelings I have
for you, they too will be lost, gone. Just as friends, the best relationship we
‘should’ and ‘would’ ever share. I want all this pain, pain from loving you to stop.
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