Inspirations of memories.

23/02/2014 – Sunday

     StrawberryTelle,  a personal blog in Facebook that blogs about love & relationship related issues. In the past, they always inspired me about certain things I experienced in life. I saw someone shared it somewhere and it struck me, haven’t I been following it all along? Apparently, I probably accidentally removed my ‘Following’ status from it. Once again, one picture reminded me so many memories, sad and happy memories.    

     Sometimes, the best memories are sad because you know they will never happen again.  I agree so much with that phrase till the point that I hate it because it’s the truth. My best memories of being with her will never relive again. In my blog, I have repeated over and over again, my sad memories with her and my happy memories with her. This shows that I’m just too stubborn to let it go and move on. Once again, I repeat similar stories of my best memories with her.  My daily routine of walking her home from school, was the best moments of my everyday school life. In school, we rarely speak with each other. I may sound like a stalker, but I’d just look at her whenever I have the chance. Walking her home was my only time to interact with her,

     “It’s creepy, I know, but please don’t judge a guy who’s in love, okay? It’s unfair.”

     Since I was a prefect, it is my duty to keep watch of the students during assembly and recess. Naturally, she earned a special place in my heart. I’d keep a mental record of what time she reaches school and when she goes for recess.  Surprisingly, she has quite a punctual routine. Hence, if she doesn’t reach school on time, I would know something happened to her by heart. On rainy days, I’m always tempted to grab an umbrella and run to her to make sure she’d reach to school safe and…dry? Although, most of the time, she’d be fine. My heart beats nervously every single time I see her and beats more anxiously when I don’t see her. In a way, you can say I used to think of her 24/7. Thus, being obsessed with her became my number 1 hobby since I fell in love with her.

     Happy memories that will never relive again. My daily routine of ‘patting’ her head and she’ll know it’s me because I’ll receive her cute frown as my ‘reward’. The days being by her side are my priceless moments.  I’ve repeated it over and over till it’s gotten too dull.

     “Guess I’ll skip those parts then~” ><

The picture above, to be honest, I’ve failed both lines except the last. Her value to me was priceless but I failed to respect her. I was selfish to think of her as mine when she was her own. When had I gotten so arrogant to think I own her when she stood on her own ground? The second line hits me the most. I did everything I could and wanted to for her. She was my everything, and I’d do anything for her. I’d cry in the night thinking “Why does she have to be in pain and not me? Why can’t I sacrifice myself and take her pain for her?” Unlike those hypocrites that will spout “I love you forever” to the world and break up weeks later, I’d never dare to say that but in my heart, that’s how I felt.  Perhaps, I’m a hypocrite too, but that’s up for you to decide.

      Whoops, a bit out of topic but back to the second line, I loved her and my mistake was expecting her to do the same in return. Even if she did, I’d reject it and blame that she didn’t because I always thought that I don’t deserve her.  Even now, she doesn’t deserve me…because she deserves someone much better than me and so shall it be.  I don’t deny it because I just want her to be happy, with or without me. 

     Last but not least, we’ve done so many crazy things together and I had so much fun being together with her. We’ve fought over and over, we’ve cried over and over, we’ve laughed over and over but the saddest thing is, I’ve never even taken a picture with her before. Her and I, never had we taken a picture with just the two of us together.

Although, recently, I don’t know why, but I’ve been dreaming of someone new.... Is this a sign that I’ve given up on her and in the process of moving on? This story…should be left for another day…to be told. J

If you're reading this,
Hope your boyfriend is one of a kind type of guy who'll love you more than I ever did. Good luck in your relationship and hope you two will be happy together. Stay strong and stay sweet.^^

From,
Cold-HeartedMe

English Journal...3 :D

21/02/2014 – Friday

Self-Development Video Assignment

     Assignments, assignments and assignments. In high-school, teacher gives us ‘homework’ for us to practice our knowledge on their subjects. Homework is annoying and boring. Honestly, I prefer doing my own homework (revision) rather than doing the homework given by the teachers. The difference is that I can go according to my own pace and not being rushed by the teachers in school. The homework that was given by my teachers are troublesome because I would get scolded, criticized and threatened if I did not complete them within the given time. On the contrary, my own homework does not have any punishment if I procrastinated on them.

Anyways, in college, instead of getting homework, we got assignments instead. Since assignments would be part of my subject mark, they will be compulsory for me to complete them within the given time. It may seem worse than homework but surprisingly, they are not. Assignments are much more fun and less boring compared to homework. For example, in college, my ‘Fundamentals of Business Management’s’ assignment would be an individual presentation which would amount to 20% for my overall subject mark. Whereas, in school, I get the usual ‘do question 1 to 5 for Add Maths’ homework which is so dull to me.  Normally, people would prefer doing homework than facing a crowd of people during presentation but since I’m an unusual person, presentation as assignment suits me fine.

Besides that, recently I have received a new assignment from one of my subjects which is ‘Self-Development Skills’. This assignment requires us(my classmates and I) to form a team of 10-12 people to produce a video related to self-development and team-development.  Initially, I just wanted to work with a team of 10 people (the minimum amount of people in a team). In my opinion, the less people I work with, the better because it’s easier to communicate. Although, I somehow joined a team that consists of 13 people and I just have to reluctantly accept that quietly. “Don’t ask me how that happened, it just did”, would be my thoughts.

We are all equals in the team. There is no higher or lower positions in that team but since no one seemed to be interested in taking charge, I took the lead. I never said that I’m better at leading than anyone else, but someone has to initiate the plan. All our marks are on the line, including mine after all. So, we discussed about our plans, I tried convincing everyone to chip in their ideas to contribute to the team and at the same time, to avoid them from feeling left out.

On the following week, we started dividing our work load so that everyone would contribute a certain amount of effort to the assignment. As I’ve learned in Business Management, conflicts will certainly arise in any organization due to various personalities, attitudes and opinions. In our situation, even if it was just a team that consists of 13 people trying to achieve a certain goal, inner conflicts within the team was unavoidable. Some of us had ideas of our own, some of us could not be bothered with the assignment, some of us complained about their given task, some of us were absent during discussions and the list goes on.

Despite all that, I dare say all of us managed to set our differences aside and had fun completing the assignment. The process of making the video was fun as each one of us chipped in our ideas and acted as different people in the video. 

“What is my last remark for this assignment?” You can say I enjoyed doing my self-development assignment with the team I was assigned to.     

-The End- 

Written by,

Bryan Yeong

(Cold-HeartedMe)

 Group discussion.

Fuyoh's turn to hold the camera.

Busy Week

16/02/2014 – Sunday

My somewhat busy college life!

     This has been just another week of fun yet stressful days in INTI. Assignments, projects and examinations are filling up my schedules. English lecturer gave my class (including me) the deadline for our group assignment/presentation and a new online assignment which I could not seem to understand. Besides that, my self-development lecturer gave us a new group assignment which involves approximately 10 to 13 people and the deadlines for the assignments. Lastly, my business management lecturer tested us on the first six chapters of business management and scheduled us for our individual presentation.

     Briefing for Self-Development assignment

Oh my gosh, why are all the deadlines so clashing so harmoniously?! Although, I guess I will be able to complete my assignments in time, so I need not worry about these minor issues. In fact, I’m done with most of my individual assignments. The remaining assignments would be the group assignments and for that, I will just go with the flow of my groups.

     Anyways, it’s still all fun and laughter for me. I got closer with a few people or rather two people from my class. One of them would be a guy called Tee Yang, it is funny how we made it a habit to buy ‘Nescafe’ (brand of coffee) from the cafeteria in college during break time for Business Management class. It gets boring and I’ll start feeling sleepy after every hour of business management lecture, so Tee Yang and I pretty much tried all the different flavors ‘Nescafe’ has to offer us.

Someone said with confidence "I am taller than you." I proved her wrong. :3 

     The other person would be Kim Kim. Everyone calls her Kimmy but I feel Kim Kim fits her best. Weird yet ordinary, that girl is Kim Kim. xD Once again, it’s funny how I once said that we might get along well few weeks ago because that ‘expectation’ actually came true. For the past two weeks, I enjoyed spending my days with her. I was busy bullying her, annoying her, confiscating her ‘Ipad’ and teasing her throughout the week. Gosh, I suddenly sounded like such a bully. ><!!! Despite that, from my opinion, I think we got along quite well. I went out for lunch and brunch with her before and in between classes.

  Lunch break with Tee Yang and Kim Kim, my first Gongcha!

    It seems that I have lost contact or haven’t been communicating with most of my high-school friends for quite a while since most of them are too busy with their own lives to bother about me. So, college friends are my life right now.

     Moving along, I replaced someone as a waiter on Saturday in ‘Good Friends Restaurant & Café’ that opened up last week. It was a relatively relaxing part-time job since my previous part-time jobs were hectic. The employers were nice as I was guided well and gave me the privilege of eating certain food from their menu.

   Lastly, I managed to cook baked cheese macaroni & chicken with cream of mushroom on Saturday and cheese baked rice on Sunday. My dad used to laugh at me when I wanted to be a chef in the past. It’s a small start but I can’t wait to ‘rub it in his face’ for underestimating a young child’s dream.   

 Cheese Baked Rice with sausages & chicken. ^^

  

Happy Valentine's Day~

14/02/2014 – Friday

     Happy Valentine’s Day! Although, it’s Happy Single’s Day for me since I don’t have a girlfriend and never had one before. This makes my 18^th year of spending  Valentine’s day, alone. As much as I hate to admit it’s Valentine’s day, even though it’s just another Friday, the mood for this ‘lovers’ day is in the air.

     First of all, this ‘special’ day is taken advantage by business opportunities.  In my college alone, there are booths around college selling stuff for Valentine’s day! “I should do that too, but oh well, I don’t have any bright ideas so just forget it.”

     Anyways, just this morning, I saw a guy confessing to a girl in the hallway. It’s very obvious that they weren’t couples. Come on dude, you can confess to her any day! So, I walked out of my classroom and was heading to get myself a drink and there they were, standing awkwardly by the hallway. The guy said something and gave an awkward hug (since I was there), he probably hated me since I spoiled his ‘moment’. I gave them my ‘I don’t give a f*ck face’ and looked away. “Nothing wrong with that, right?” :D Although, I did end up snickering after I walked past them and they probably noticed that too but I don’t care.

     Valentine’s day, so what does this day remind me of? It brings me back to last year. I was still chatting daily with my senior then and the day before Valentine’s day, I told her that I wanted to make something for the girl I loved. That girl would be my highschool love. I still remembered that I wanted to bake her chocolate cupcakes or something for Valentine’s day and my senior just had to say that some other guy might be giving her chocolate.  It didn’t happen because I was still inexperienced in baking and she wasn’t even around. She went back to her hometown or something.

     Hm…so what did I do today? I went for college in the morning till afternoon. I rushed home and went for gym. After that, I went for some grocery shopping and started my little cooking project. I actually planned it few days ago since I won’t have a date or partner for Valentine’s day. Pasta baked with mozzarella cheese and roasted chicken seasoned with honey & herbs. The final touches were cream of mushroom and a mixture of peppers.  The pasta was a little disappointing but the chicken was fantastic. Overall, I was satisfied with my ‘work of art’. >///<

   Never had I known how to cook, but here's my beginning. :) 

  In the past, I couldn’t cook for the girl I love when she was sick. I only knew how to go out and buy ‘takeaways’ for her. Then, I remember carrying her to the dinning table for lunch and back to her bed for her to rest. I had always wanted to bake something nice or cook something yummy for her, but I didn’t even have the slightest idea of where to start! In the future, never will I let that happen again. I’m eager to learn all sorts of dishes and bake all sorts of pastries for my future girl. ^^

Oh well, the past is past, I guess that won’t ever happen. I’ve heard she’s gotten a boyfriend recently from my friend. “The girl I love has a boyfriend, oh wow, how should I react?” It’s not a big surprise and it didn’t have a big impact on me because I’ve already expected such a thing to happen, sooner or later. Hopefully, she’ll be happy with her new boyfriend and I hope the guy knows how to take care of her.

For me, I’ll just wait for her, even if she’ll have 3 or 5 or 10 boyfriends, I’ll probably still wait for her if my feelings for her are unchanged. You may call me stupid or insane but that’s who I am, my feelings for her are stubborn. Although, I hope to find a girl who will love me as much as I love her and maybe, I won’t be spending Valentine’s day alone next year. ^^

One sentence says it all.

Never has there been a day that I have not thought about her.