Inspirations of memories.

23/02/2014 – Sunday

     StrawberryTelle,  a personal blog in Facebook that blogs about love & relationship related issues. In the past, they always inspired me about certain things I experienced in life. I saw someone shared it somewhere and it struck me, haven’t I been following it all along? Apparently, I probably accidentally removed my ‘Following’ status from it. Once again, one picture reminded me so many memories, sad and happy memories.    

     Sometimes, the best memories are sad because you know they will never happen again.  I agree so much with that phrase till the point that I hate it because it’s the truth. My best memories of being with her will never relive again. In my blog, I have repeated over and over again, my sad memories with her and my happy memories with her. This shows that I’m just too stubborn to let it go and move on. Once again, I repeat similar stories of my best memories with her.  My daily routine of walking her home from school, was the best moments of my everyday school life. In school, we rarely speak with each other. I may sound like a stalker, but I’d just look at her whenever I have the chance. Walking her home was my only time to interact with her,

     “It’s creepy, I know, but please don’t judge a guy who’s in love, okay? It’s unfair.”

     Since I was a prefect, it is my duty to keep watch of the students during assembly and recess. Naturally, she earned a special place in my heart. I’d keep a mental record of what time she reaches school and when she goes for recess.  Surprisingly, she has quite a punctual routine. Hence, if she doesn’t reach school on time, I would know something happened to her by heart. On rainy days, I’m always tempted to grab an umbrella and run to her to make sure she’d reach to school safe and…dry? Although, most of the time, she’d be fine. My heart beats nervously every single time I see her and beats more anxiously when I don’t see her. In a way, you can say I used to think of her 24/7. Thus, being obsessed with her became my number 1 hobby since I fell in love with her.

     Happy memories that will never relive again. My daily routine of ‘patting’ her head and she’ll know it’s me because I’ll receive her cute frown as my ‘reward’. The days being by her side are my priceless moments.  I’ve repeated it over and over till it’s gotten too dull.

     “Guess I’ll skip those parts then~” ><

The picture above, to be honest, I’ve failed both lines except the last. Her value to me was priceless but I failed to respect her. I was selfish to think of her as mine when she was her own. When had I gotten so arrogant to think I own her when she stood on her own ground? The second line hits me the most. I did everything I could and wanted to for her. She was my everything, and I’d do anything for her. I’d cry in the night thinking “Why does she have to be in pain and not me? Why can’t I sacrifice myself and take her pain for her?” Unlike those hypocrites that will spout “I love you forever” to the world and break up weeks later, I’d never dare to say that but in my heart, that’s how I felt.  Perhaps, I’m a hypocrite too, but that’s up for you to decide.

      Whoops, a bit out of topic but back to the second line, I loved her and my mistake was expecting her to do the same in return. Even if she did, I’d reject it and blame that she didn’t because I always thought that I don’t deserve her.  Even now, she doesn’t deserve me…because she deserves someone much better than me and so shall it be.  I don’t deny it because I just want her to be happy, with or without me. 

     Last but not least, we’ve done so many crazy things together and I had so much fun being together with her. We’ve fought over and over, we’ve cried over and over, we’ve laughed over and over but the saddest thing is, I’ve never even taken a picture with her before. Her and I, never had we taken a picture with just the two of us together.

Although, recently, I don’t know why, but I’ve been dreaming of someone new.... Is this a sign that I’ve given up on her and in the process of moving on? This story…should be left for another day…to be told. J

If you're reading this,
Hope your boyfriend is one of a kind type of guy who'll love you more than I ever did. Good luck in your relationship and hope you two will be happy together. Stay strong and stay sweet.^^

From,
Cold-HeartedMe