Discard Lingering Feelings.

I'm not that blind.

Every moment, i embrace. Every detail i will secure it.
Today's English exam. 

Majority had their 'leaked' questions, so make life interesting.

I compete with them using my brains against their earlier preparations.

Essay writing for english is probably the best part of all subjects in exam. 

I would choose the most odd answers. 

For example, Characters you like for The Fruitcake Special or QWERTYUIOP.

Form 4 & 5 Malaysian students would most probably understand those short stories.
Students would rather choose obvious characters such as Anne or Lucy Beck.

Me?

I chose Mr. Amos from The Fruitcake Special. Odd choice for others, i guess~ 

That's what my friends said when i told them that i chose him as my favourite character.

Anyways, when it came down to Section B of paper 1. 

They had 5 choices. 

I chose....

The ending of the story '....then i realised all those words she said to me were true'. 

My teacher watched me as i was having a hard to decide. 

She said for question no.4 those words would usually come from your teacher or your mom.

She was half-heartedly joking ofcourse, as a teacher and a prefect, we know how to stay professional.
(Or so to say)
But for me, once i looked at the question, i instantly knew who to write about. 

Months of experience, i could just dish them all out in my exam.

Perfect, so that was my reason for choosing that. 

Engrossed with writing, i kept thinking back of my entire year. 

When i first moved in, my feelings. The new beginnings and all~
Most important part of the story, i could just thought of....
Slowly and unnoticed, the little spark of interest that she lighted grew into flames.

I'm supposed to write ABOUT 350 words but i don't bother. 

This written story was more important to me than my marks.
 How it started. 

Those days as i lie on my desk, i just gaze at that perfect sight i had. 

Observing and discover daily. 

Even if my eyes deceived me then, i must admit that i was captured by that mysterious feeling around her.
Though in the end, i still wrote. 

She passed away due to her illness. 

So what do i want?

I'm not sure myself. 

I guess, if i continue keeping this lingering feeling around.

I'll just keep getting hurt deeper and deeper. 

Hurting not by others but by myself and myself only.

I have a habit of blaming everything on myself when it comes to girls.
I just want to discard all these feelings. Run away like i always do. I never thought that i'm such a coward but then i realized that i am one now.

Throughout the year, i think i have changed. Even if it was long and painful, i managed to change even if it's just a little. 

Changing yourself in such a short time, that's a lie.
You're just deceiving yourself if you continue doing that. In other words, lying to yourself.

Never change for anyone else other than yourself, if not, you won't be you anymore.

Your not the special & unique person anymore, you'll just someone that is made by someone else.

It was a mistake. Don't change. You're perfect the way you are already .
How to cope with you is different than how you cope with others.