X- Feelings Reversed.

She's quite short, cute and wears spectacles.
She's 18, 2 years older than me.
She's independent and strong-willed.
and
She's my senior. The girl from my previous post "First Senior...."
http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8784903506548703708#editor/target=post;postID=8292472888147719048

Why am i suddenly bringing this up again?
That's just coz it's a message to her if she bothers reading my blog.

Where should i start...
Your treating me totally unfair.
Everytime when i look for you, you'll avoid me or reply me with 'eyes filled with hatred'.
You always avoid that or deny it. You said you don't but i could obviously feel it.
The hatred or annoyance of yours towards me is definitely there.
Whether you notice or not, i don't know.

You say your busy all the time. Yes i know, university students are busy.
They have much more reports to complete and assignments to do.

What about me? You look at me as if i'm the type of guy who sits around watching Anime 24 hours a day.
If i'm that type of guy, why the heck do i work? I have tons of reports and assignments too.
I have exams to prepare to, even if i neglect them a little, i still do take my time revising.
You should understand my condition, you've lived through it.
Even if you're science stream and I'm commerce, the busy level still remains equally busy.

I have 2 sisters. One just completed A-Levels and another is almost completing her Degree.
Do you think i'm so blind not to notice what they're going through?
I know even few minutes of yours won't hurt.
You're totally unfair to me.

I don't know why.
I want ANSWERS.
Yes, i have betrayed a as a guy few months back. I admit that and totally am aware of that.
You're totally hurt, yeah sure, why not?

I'm not trying to repent for what i did few months back.
Because i no you'll never forgive me for destroying your trust.

But i NEVER betrayed you as a friend before. Whenever you need me, i'll try my best to be there for you.
Best friends or friends, i think i've surpassed them all but in the end, i only feel coldness from you.
So guess what? I'm the one who's getting hurt much more right now.

The only times when i DON'T feel daggers coming from you were....
The school years we had together, i can feel warmth even if it's a just a little,
Those precious days i had with you through virtual world,
When we were ice-skating, i was so glad you enjoyed yourself,
The other day when we texted about my exam, i felt so happy that you actually look for me once.

Though all other days, those quiet stabs through my soul, i could feel it.
If i'm annoying you, then TELL ME THAT I'M ANNOYING YOU.
If i'm an eye sore to you, then TELL ME I'M AN EYE SORE TO YOU.
If i'm troublesome, then TELL ME I'M TROUBLESOME.
Don't keep anything from you, i'd rather you hate me with all your heart than lie to me.

I can't take it anymore.
You keep saying your not.
But i could feel it.

All the things i say, always seem to offend you.
Just to remind you, i know your strong willed, you can survive by yourself, you don't need anyone else.
Yeah sure, you won't last long.
Sooner or later, you will need people.
Be it, poor person, average citizen or even some rich tycoon.
You still need people to help you through out your life no matter what, even if you like it or not.

I'm not posting this to deliberately hurt you or accuse you of your 'innocence'.
I'm posting this because i'm hurting here and i want ANSWERS.
I need to know what step i have to take next.

All i want to say is...
Li Hung, i'm sorry for anything and everything.
From the day we met few years back till today, i'm sorry.
I'm sorry for hurting you and annoying you.
I know i'm annoying, always disturbing you when you busy and most of all i'm self-centered.

People around us, they are odd and different, aren't they?
The things they do, the way they react and their feelings. They don't realize anything. Right?
You said i've changed, maybe becoming one of those people.

Then i'm sorry, because i don't even know which part of me changed.
But please, tell me everything. I just want to know your answers.
Maybe i'm just talking rubbish here, everything i just said was a fraud.

Then tell me, is what i said true or false?
Or,
are you going to say, all the things i said is because i think too much.
That you never actually felt mad with me.
That you don't have a single feeling of disgust and hatred towards me.

Like the picture above,
I'm just the guy looking at you, my dear friend, what will happen to you.
I'm interested, anxious to see how you will turn out to be.
and
You're the girl living your life.
With friends around, but having a lock around your heart.