Closing the Love chapters : Trilogy

11/09/2013 – Wednesday

     I am closing the ‘love’ chapters of my life momentarily. It has been a long and seriously heart-aching journey. Three girls is equivalent to three loves in my life so far. These three girls are the girls whom I’ve taken most interest, given most serious attention and offered most feelings towards them. They have helped me in my growth especially my maturity, they have changed me in many ways and they have thought me how to treasure memories like no others. I’ve felt happiness in a way which I’ve never felt before, I’ve had dreams that makes me strive for success, I’ve been hurt and I’ve been shattered along the journey. There are three stories to go along with each one of them and making it a trilogy.    

My treasured school where we met.

     The first girl would the classmate whom is same age with me, and cute. I don’t even know why I fell for her because her personality is just so ‘normal’ and I don’t usually find ‘normal’ interesting.  Among all three girls, I’ve had feelings for her for the longest span of time. She was the classmate I’ve always wanted to get close to but I restrain myself from doing so. Watching over her and comforting her through cyberspace was all I did, I was young and hopeless. I could only watch and dream. I was friends with her, then I despised her and after a while, I started having feelings for her and finally I fell in love with her. After I left my hometown, I was in despair of my depression as every single day for a few consecutive months, I was longing for her madly. I miss her so much that I’ll dream of being with her at least 2 days a week. She is the girl I’ve been obsessed with. In the end, nothing has changed, we remained as friends. The distance between us healed me and I lost the feelings I once had for her. (Obsessed)

Blogging was what brought us together.

     The second girl would be my senior. She is 2 years older than me, she is the girl with specs, definitely cute, somewhat short (she seems to be taller now) but most importantly, she is special. She is different from other girls (to me anyways) and that is what makes her so unique. Her personality, it makes me run wild for her. Among the three girls, since she is the eldest, she would be the most the mature and sincere girl. I dare say that my senior is the only girl who understands me. Thus, she was able to give me the comfort I needed and it just feels so safe being with her. Honestly, I don’t feel like I need anyone else if she is there with me, she was all I ever wanted and she was all I ever needed. We met in high school, she was my senior in a certain society, there was nothing happening between us then. We’ve had laughter and we’ve had silent wars. I started to fall for her, only when I started to learn about her. Everything was going well until I made a foolish mistake. I got greedy. My unwavering feelings condemned me to making a mistake which I will regret for the rest of my life. She is the best of all three girls but she was the least appreciated due to my immature heart and mind. We became friends…then I suddenly became a stranger to her and now, she is my motivation to succeed in life. I guess I have no rights to complain because I deserve a worse punishment than this. She is being nice to me, even with that cold-heart of hers. For now, I miss her ‘so very badly’ but all I could do is just hope for her. (Hope)

My heart, I gave to her. I want to burn it so badly now.

     Last but not least, the third girl. Once again, she is a classmate but in a different school. She is the same age as me, she is pretty and her voice is cute, short, attractive, and would be known as the ‘sick girl’. I knew her through Facebook even though we’re in the same class. She just seems a little interesting to me at first, nothing special though but as I learn more about her life, I gradually started liking her. She became my meaning in life as I felt like I want to do nothing else besides taking care of her. Little by little, I became desperate for her. I learned how to worry endlessly, desire desperately and love unconditionally. She was the seemingly perfect girl for me and I would do anything to protect that sweet smile of hers. I’ve done all sorts of things which I’ve never done for any girls before just to keep her happy. Unknowingly, I was just blind for about a year going to two. I somewhat had my chance with her. It was like living a dream because my shattered dream was to live together with her in the future. I dreamt of striving to become the one who will be able to protect her in the future. That dream is nothing but a delusion. For some reason, I would always be curious and suspect her. I can’t stop myself from thinking that she is deceptive and deceiving. Even if she is true and not fake, it’s strange that I can’t trust her entirely. She is the girl I’ve given my most to. I’ve given her my heart and I regret doing so. Everything about her now is regret. Among all three girls, I’ve loved her the most and I regret doing so. I love her so much that unconsciously, I’ve came to hate her. That is how far, I’ve hurt myself in this story. The feelings I receive from being with her is the best and worst. For now, she is just a friend in reality but probably an enemy, in my heart. (Regret)

     I now close this trilogy as I have many more challenges ahead of me and this feeling known as ‘love’ would only be a burden to me. I am heartbroken because of the most recent girl and it doesn’t seem to be healing for now. Hopefully, the fourth story would be the best and last. (I doubt it’ll be the last though)

Short Story: It was my first official date with a girl. After months of awkward silence, I break the ice by asking out her and surprisingly she agreed. The first stop would be ice-skating in Sunway Pyramid. The salary I worked for in the Paintball company was worth it because it was great spending my day with her. It was fun watch her as she struggles to keep herself from falling in the ice-skating ring. I got my chance to bully her. xD The funniest part would be when she couldn’t get up by herself after she fell but another girl just stood up normally. I got to hold her hand, there wasn’t any special meaning to it besides helping her to skate but…I still got to hold her hand and that’s what matters. >_< Even though we were wearing gloves, I could feel her warmth flowing through me. It was addictive. My hand has never felt any lonelier than ever before, after she let go of hers. It was a feeling I’ve never felt before, it is a feeling so empty that my life feels meaningless and that feeling lasted till this very day.