Ice Water....

For years, Xiao Thong had been the one sitting over there....
In those row of seats filled with people, yet i can only see one person only.
Simple Crush became Moderate Adoration and finally Complicated Love.
Time pass, things gradually changed....
My odd relationship with her soon ended and we drifted apart...

Months after that, i gave up holding it in.
I confessed to her once again.
Rejected, as to be expected.
She told me to just "Let it go, put it down."
I told her "I'll continue loving her even if she doesn't like me back or even if she likes someone else"...
"To the time when another special girl come into my life...."

My world was in darkness....
I had nothing to wait for, to hold on to, everything that matters is just myself.
Progress for myself, live for myself and success for myself...
There was nobody there to share with except sharing nonsense with my friends.
Every single day....

Is God trying to forbid me from that or am i just being too soft in the heart?
A sick girl, i know.
I listen to her sad story and i feel so sorry.
Why can't i replace her instead?
Let me suffer and die instead of her, since i don't really care about my life anyways.
She became my friend and i promised to myself "I will take care and protect that friend of mine".
I won't leave a friend hurting deep down herself....

A thought struck me "Why the miao should i care so much?"
"There is no reason for me to care so much just for one classmate."
"If i care too much, i'll just end up hurting myself or hurting someone else."

I decided to ignore the little details then~
I made a promise to myself but i shouldn't be too much of a busybody~
"She's just a friend, nothing special"

Weeks passed by, things started to quiet down already.
We both went back to 'ignoring' each other.
It was fine by me~
Till one day when i was mindlessly taking pictures around.
I took a picture of a crowd people.
But then....
All i saw was just her.

I widened my eyes and looked back at the scene.
Then i saw it again, a crowd of people but yet it feels like she was the only one there!
This was it.
I haven't seen this for almost a year!

She is a short and cute girl.
Most of all, she is special...
Different from others.
I don't know about her but i can just feel it....

I started worrying for her health each day.
Keeping her happy and seeing that sweet smile is the most important thing.
At least she can enjoy her life.
I'm like her elder brother and counselor, trying to help with whatever emotional problems that she have.


Then i knew something....
Now...every time i see her... i can feel chills going down my spine.

I feel like i'm drowning in ice water.

I'm afraid...
I'm afraid of getting hurt and falling into darkness again....
I don't want to mindlessly have another crush.
I'm afraid of falling for the wrong girl....again....


Hahaha....guess i'll just be patient and wait for the right time to come.
I remember someone said once "Don't find love, love comes naturally."
That sounds simple and easy to refer to. :)


I just remind myself "She's just a friend, nothing special"
Care for her just like a friend. :)
Think of her just as a friend. :) 
That'll be fine for me.... ^_^

I guess.....