Silly Happiness

26/04/2013 – Friday

     What are you reactions when you get happy? The feeling of what I would call silly happiness. It’s like a tug at your heart and you can’t stop smiling even when you try really hard to. You can’t control your happiness and you end up doing all sorts of silly things.

     It may be a little weird and embarrassing but here are some of the things I would do. xD

When I get happy, I would….. If my bed was nearby, I would just jump to my bed and cover my face with the pillow to mask my smile even when there is no one around. I’ll be like snuggling my pillow and couldn’t stop smiling.

     Hm…I would also…end up jumping around and maybe shuffle a little? xD That’s more of an excited happiness when I get a burst of energy and end up doing silly dance moves. You know.. the so called ‘victory dance’?

     “What else do I do…hm…” I think the last one would be, randomly smiling in the public and may even end up chuckling a little or perhaps laughing. In my mind, I would be having thoughts of funny moments or moments that makes me happy and I’ll end up smiling non-stop, no matter where I am. Sometimes I even end up laughing because I’m too happy till the people around me might think I’m mentally retarded. xD

This season, it seems like I’m blessed with all these silly happiness.

She was and is my happiness.

I will protect and do anything for my princess because being able to be with you, is already a sweet dream come true. J

Short Post : 8 Months.

19/04/2013 – Friday

         In 8 more months, changes will be made. Life won’t be the same again.

Where will I be? What will I be doing? Who will I become? Life would be reset once again. Everything in my past 17 years would just be memories to me.

     What am I going to do after my final battle (SPM) in secondary school? Would I be entering National Service before continuing on with my further studies? Backpacking to different parts of the world? Disappear for a few months to improve my current self?

     The bonds that I’ve made, the experiences that I’ve received and the promises that I made will be just memories to me. It’s great to have a reset button, doesn’t it? Venturing out to new places, doing new things and meeting new people, they are what I’m born to do.

     I hope what comes after 8 months will be bring me closer to being a better person. J      

     

Project : My Heart

18/04/2013 – Thursday

     “What should I get for her, what should I get for her and what should I get for her….?”

This question has been on my mind since the start of the month, April. I’m talking about a birthday gift or present or whatever you like to call it. I didn’t bother about anyone else’s birthday so far, even I didn’t bother much about my own birthday but for some reason her birthday is like stuck in my head. :o  I don’t know why but I just felt like I really want to give her something even if she never asked for it or mention it at all.

     Anyways, I had several ideas actually. My first idea, I actually tried to learn making chocolates from my sister. My sister once made a whole bunch of chocolate with words engraved on it, I thought it was a pretty neat idea but unfortunately, sis didn’t want to teach me because she hasn’t ‘mastered’ the art of making chocolates yet. ==…

     That leads to the second idea which would be baking chocolate cupcakes for her. Complications tend to occur, my baking skills aren’t that good yet and I want something I can do best for her. Think about it, if I wanted to give her fresh cupcakes.. it won’t be easy coz I can  only give it to her in the morning in school and that means I’ll have to wake up like midnight to do it.

     *Sigh* Another idea goes boom~

     Days and weeks just slipped by and yet I’m still completely fruitless. >_> I was like…”maybe I should just give up, greet her and be done with it since it’s the same whether I do anything or not.”

Give up…..till one night. An idea just pops up while I was half-asleep (I think a lot before falling asleep = reason for my insomnia). I know what I want to give her! Thus, Project My Heart was born. xD  

     All my feelings, experience and thoughts, what describes best for all those things was my heart and not my brain. I can’t feel with my brain, I can’t appreciate my experience with her through my brain and especially thoughts, it’s always negativity with my brain. So I decided, my heart that will never betray my true feelings was the best gift I could think of.

     Back to the project, well it’s pretty obvious that I can’t just grab my heart out from my chest and give it to her. Then that leads to my next question, what should or can I use to represent my heart? O.o Cardboard was the first thought but then It would be crushed/crumpled easily and all since it’s quite fragile. Since I’m Cold-HeartedMe, should something transparent be more suitable? “Transparent….Glass…? How in the world do I cut and mold glass?”  Plastic doesn’t fit quite well too..

At last, wood, alright maybe it’s not transparent but it’s solid enough to last and I’ll just make do with what I can actually use. I was reluctant at first because I totally had no idea how to do ‘wood sculpting’ but in the end I just “Oh well, it doesn’t hurt to try.” :3

     Following questions, where do I find wood and tools for the project? Coincidently, there was some wood at home I could use for my project. It wasn’t the exact size I wanted though I had no choice since I was running out of time. Her birthday is just days ahead! I bought the tools, some turned out useless and started working on my ‘keychain-like heart’. It was a pain figuring out how to carve something out a small block of wood. The failed attempts were kind of irritating because I kept on breaking the wood though somehow I managed to get the knack of it. The short blade was my most useful tool. The cuts on my fingers were worth it, my end product was not ‘perfect’ but at least I was satisfied with my failed attempts, broken drafts and wood-sculptured heart. :3

If you look closely, you'll see a line. That's the size of my wood-sculptured heart. The long block of wood became short due to the failed attempts.

     “Oh wait, I forgot to mention something important. Who is this girl?” Hm…it’s someone you should know (if you’ve been following my post), she was my third love. J

     One side of my heart is cold and the other is warm but both sides feel the same for you. They want to protect and take care of you. They may not know how to show how they feel but at least they’re not fake. When you’re strong, I’ll support you and make you stronger. When you’re weak, I’ll encourage you along the way and when you fall, I’ll be there to pick you up and get you moving. :P

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Hey, silly girl. Happy birthday. :P I hope you enjoyed this anniversary of yours thoroughly because I’m so glad that you were born and I’ve gotten to meet you. I don’t know how I feel towards you now because all of my feelings are so mixed and mashed. I don’t know why but no matter who you are with, no matter where you are, no matter how you’re doing and no matter what you think of me, this part of me won’t change. I want to protect you in any ways possible for me. It may sound kind of cheesy but…. Just call out to me and I’ll run to your side because you are my princess and you now hold my heart.    >_<….

Single at it's Best!

09/04/2013 – Tuesday

     Are you a single with no boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you jealous or annoyed whenever you see couples doing all the ‘cute’ things in public and right in your sights? If so then, you should stop that because I am here to enlighten your day. :P

       I am a 17 year old teenager who is growing into a young adult soon and I am proud to say that I never had an official girlfriend till now. xD In other words, I’m a ‘forever alone’ dude! Well that sounded kind of pitiful... I got rejected just about 3 times by 2 different girls. My confession got rejected 2 times by the first girl and another time by the second girl…. I was heart-broken and crushed at those times but for some reason, I guess I’m fine with it now because I have come to realize that being a single is not so bad after all. :3         

     Since I am a guy myself, I’ll just elaborate for guys how you are benefiting from being a single. *ahem*ahem* First and foremost, when you’re single it also means that you are FREE and not being ‘tied to a tree’. No commitments and no promises, you have nothing holding you back! For example, you accidentally flirt with a girl. So what? You don’t have a girlfriend getting all jealous, making the situation complicated by just 1 simple matter and ruining your mood. You won’t end up hurting anyone and you’ll just be doing good to yourself but do make sure the girl you’re flirting with does not have a boyfriend or else you’re just looking for trouble. :P

     Second of all, you can date with any girl limitlessly. Obviously you won’t be going on a ‘date’ date with the girl but a date as friends will be enough for you. If you hope for doing stuff like kissing and holding hands, then that’s a different case, you’d either have to find yourself a girlfriend or just hire some…*ahem* you should know yourself. If you already have a girlfriend, going on date with another girl even if just as friends, you’ll totally hurt your girlfriend for sure. It’s already like cheating on her. Since you’re a single, you have no worries about that. Plan a schedule, make a list of dates…. that is if you can pile up that many. Hahahaha!!! Good luck, fellow single dudes.

     Last but not least, you are frickin free from all the complicated emotional issues. You won’t feel lonely because…most of us have friends. Well for the minority, I have no comment. Friends will keep you company all the time. The other day a friend of mine just told me, "I tend to get bored of people who sticks around too much and that is why I never look for a serious relationship". Sounds true, doesn’t it? You may not want to admit it but I guess it is true for some of us. You won’t have to go through heart breaks from being rejected by a girl or stuff like breaking up and being cheated on because you’re already content with your current being, as a single.

Anyways, if you tend to feel lonely once in a while as a guy then kindly ask your ‘single’ female friends for dates, do give reasonable explanations and just have fun! I am sure that some of them who are open-minded wouldn’t mind going on a date with you as friends. Who knows? You two might even end up dating each other but let’s not go that far yet. :3

     In conclusion, being single also means you have endless wonders of freedom. Enjoy being single at it’s best…while it lasts. ;)

On the side note, I’m just here to give advice on the benefits of being a single. I admit that I did went on ‘dates as friends’ with some of my friends who are girls before but do not think of me as some kind of ‘douche bag’ who dates just any girl and ‘accidentally’ flirt all the time. ==  Seriously, don’t do that. ==

Our Somewhat Fate. :P

Would we have met without you?

07/04/2013 – Sunday

     Yesterday was a great day for me and if you’re thinking why, it’s because I finally got to meet Coacine in real life. I’m her senior during primary school though we didn’t even bother about each other’s existence then but then we became friends when we’re in secondary school. I’ve somehow found her in Facebook for I don’t know what reason when I was in form 2 and we’ve been chatting since then till now. It’s been about 2 years + till yesterday, we were finally able to meet each other.

     Fate. Unexpected fate. Our somewhat fate gave me the opportunity to meet her.  The story went like this. On Friday night, we both knew that we’re going to the same shopping mall on the next day. My thought was “FINALLY!”

Worn out in all direction.

     On Saturday, I kept on thinking of how things would go. I was like “Will I be able to meet her today? Will fate bring us together or will we just walk home just like any other ordinary day?” Looking at expensive formal clothes and shoes, didn’t help much. (Hunting for new pair of shoes) 

My new pair of shoes!! :D

If fate wanted us to be together, to meet each other, then we’ll meet each other without contacting each other but…I’m not going to let this chance go to waste! We texted on and off during our ‘window shopping’ to keep track of where we were. xD

       Coincidentally, we were so close to each other and yet we failed to encounter! (She was just a floor directly above me) I felt as if we were in the movie, where 2 people who search for each other but couldn’t find even if they’re just so close by. xD Awww…so romantic. Wait, don’t get the wrong idea people. :P

     Anyways, our families ended up going to the same place for grocery shopping. Texted her my location and I see a pretty girl coming my way. xD I recognized her at first sight and eagerly greeted her. From what I remember was….She had averagely long hair, wearing a short skirt, pretty and her size is just right. :D I felt as if I was talking to a friend whom I’m meeting everyday but actually it is somewhat our first ever encounter with each other. xD Meeting her really made my day because we’ve shared so many stories with each other and known each other for quite some time. 

     We just had a short conversation because everything felt so hectic. Our families were waiting and all… == Oh well, I’ll have more time to interact with her in real life the next time we meet. :3 Seriously hope to see her soon. I can’t wait to get my car license!!! RAWR!!! XD

Dear Cocaine, I hope you don’t mind me blogging about this. :P It was nice meeting you in person (you need to trust me when I said you’re pretty ==) and I can’t wait for June or whenever you’re free. :P

By the way, her name is actually Coacine but I call her Cocaine most of the time. 

Date of Birth.

forgot take picture of my own birthday cake!!! xD

03/04/2013 – Wednesday

     Hello world, I’m officially 17 years old today. xD Well the day went past as if it’s just like any other day, with a small twist that is. :P Today would be marked as an anniversary of my date of birth and of course many other people too but seriously, is my existence a blessing or curse?

I am always fighting with the demon inside of me. In fact, the biggest enemy I am facing every single day is the demon inside of me. I am always having a war inside of me, good versus bad, who will be the top for me? Was it wise for me to be the one who won the first ever race of my life as a cell?

     My birthday wish…What is this nonsense wish, ah..but I’ll just do it anyways. :P My wish is to be a better person in life. I want to bring blessing and happiness to other people’s lives. I want to be less sinful and help the people around me, people I interact with every day and bring joy to their lives. J

I’m sick of making people feel sick and angry and I’m especially sick with myself bring who I am right now. I want to change, I want to forget…because I want to live a life with purpose. :o

     Anyways, today felt just like any other day actually. :3 I went to school and only 1 guy remembered it was my birthday. I’m not saying that I expect/want everyone to remember my birthday but it’s nice to know who actually bothers about me.  Jason, a fellow prefect, for some reason, he remembers my birthday and tends to ask about it from time to time. I appreciate his memory. All of my other friends, well let’s just say it’s quite a disappointment. xD

     Apparently, some other guy from some other class have the same date of birth as I do. My friends were like singing happy birthday songs and greeting him while I stood there and sang along with them. xD It’s quite funny, I felt a little invisible. “Hahaha, aww…. Am I asking for some attention?” You wish. :P

     There are few reasons people greet the phrase ‘Happy Birthday’. One of it would be because they are glad that the person was born and touched their lives. They appreciate the person. The other reason would probably because they are saying it out of politeness.

     The people around me..from what I can see. Some greet me with sincerity, some greet out of politeness and some… they don’t even bother. I don’t blame them. They notice but my existence does not affect their lives in what so ever way, it’ll just be another reason for them to say “so?”. Even so, to greet or not. It's entirely all up to them, I am nothing but a passer-by who leaves an impression and walks off to everyone around me. :)

I look at myself in the mirror and I asked myself, am I a blessing or a curse to this world? Should I feel happy or sad for this anniversary? Why has this anniversary lasted till 17 years…and how many more years would it last?  

Regardless of what all others have to say, I have to put in some good words for myself too. xP

“Happy Birthday, bro. You will always be able to meet new people and touch new lives. Experience and live it out like no one ever else had. Fall in love over and over again till you’ve found your one true love. Lastly, just enjoy your life. “ 

The 2 presents I received!! Thanks to my sis and Alicia. xD