Who really am i?

Fuuuu.... a journey to self-discovery is very NOT simple,
till now, i could never understand even myself~
I don't even know what i want nor what i need

Some people say i'm a good person,
Some say i'm evil,
Some say i'm too playful,
Some say i'm mature,
Some say i'm a weirdo,
Some say i'm an emo
and
Some just think of me as a bother.

They say all that, and yet i myself don't know which is me...
Is it based on people's opinion or mine?
Because if it's based on mine, i really don't know who am i.

It's odd usually people say, the one who understands you the most is yourself.
I can't use that for me.

I tend to want to suicide sometimes~
Yet i want to achieve my dreams of becoming a successful person...
What do i want in the future?
A good career, decent financial status, a loyal wife that can take care of me and maybe some kids?
That's not too much to ask, is it?

But anyways, as a teenager.
My life is so complicated sometimes.
I do stupid stuff that others don't.
I think differently from how others think.
I have no talents, low grades and bad at sports.

It's funny how sometimes when i care so much for someone,
the other person just doesn't bother.
All the things i do is for naught.
I'll just end up hurting myself or the other person.

I'll give up everything just for one thing.
In the end, it'll just disappoint me and give me a 'what are you talking about?' look.
It was like few months ago.... i threw everything aside just for a girl and all i got was...
Disappointment, confusion and depression.
I don't blame her though, i was just blind at that time... I'm always blind when things matters the most~

Insults and taunts.
I don't feel anything from them.
I've been insulted all my life by my so called 'friends' and even my own family.
I've just been neutralized....

Sometimes i just feel like i'm not from this world, so lifeless...
I have no meaning, even death is just another question of when will it happen?
Why must i exist?

Who am i...?