Happy/Neutral/Sad New Year 2012~

Let's take a new step into the new year. :)

2012 have arrived!!! Are you all ready to take up the new year yet?

Ready or not here it comes~ =_=

Sigh....2011 WAS a year of memories to me,

Beloved Memories,

And apparently, my question is...

Is this going to be a Happy New Year or Sad New Year?

I have to take a brave new step into a new year and a new life. :)

As i've transferred to a new place, almost everything have changed for me.

Anyways, i do have resolutions for the new year~

1. Be a more advanced person as in know more things, stronger, smarter and all other aspects.

2. Be a better person as in more kind, less rude and everything~

3. Find a part-time job, learn some new things and get some experience of working.

4. Find a girlfriend >_< (joking only).....(or is it?) :P

So anyways, wish you all good luck in 2012!!!

Best wishes to all of you and Bless all of you!!! 

For the first time, in my story....

My silent story that i held back.

It was almost a year ago since things started to change for me, many things happened before it.

 I've known her for 3 years but only knew her for 2 years, if you get what i mean.

We were prefects, same tuition, this that this that and bla bla bla more things happened. 

Anyways, then one day, i just suddenly had some feelings for her, not much though.

It eventually started to grow in me.... Looking at her smiling and laughing was so sweet.....

It's like, it can just melt my heart and make me smile.

Then there was this time, when i was erm... playing with her?

She wanted who my crush was, so in return she have to do me a favor.

My request for a few months was, she has to take off her glasses whenever i wanted to.

Coz she looks amazing when she smiles or laughs without her glasses, i always get the feeling of being stunned in a good way when i see it. (rarely happens)

At the end of the deal, i never did as for my request.

But still i have to give in my answer.

I told her 'I like you'. (I think it was my first time ever confessing to a girl)

As her reply, 'I don't believe you'.

She told me, that i was always lying to her... fooling with her...

Oh well, then the whole thing just died and continues until this year. 

As result, the end of this year 2011, was the end of our story. 

The Best Single?

Beat this :P

Recently i've started playing this 'Yahoo Answers' out of boredom.

At first, i was just asking for some of my own issues. (Looking for part-time job issue)

Then i found out advicing others about their love and dating issue seems fun.

So i started searching and searching, then keep on advice advice on the questions that are short as i'm lazy to read the freakin long ones.

Surprisingly, the feedback was quite good, some of the 'poster's chose my answer as the best answer of their question. Some i answered seriously, some i just answered randomly.

Anyways, what they don't know is that i'm a 16 year old guy that have been single all along.

HAHAHA!!! Feels so epic doing that~ :P

Unrelated case

Everytime i go out walking alone in the malls or anywhere, i seriously still get annoyed looking at other lovey dovey. 

Damn, i look at myself and ask myself, do i even want a girl to love or a girl to love me?

But my bigger question is, can i even get the girl that i like?

This is a screwed up world. :) 

Path Of Destiny?

Notice Teddie actually have a tail?

A step for the future, is always such a scary and risky choice.

I've been thinking, every little step i take will affect my future.

It's like those shows when every little thing you do will change their future.

Well, it's almost the same for me.

For example, next year is form 4 for me.

Choosing which subjects to take will also affect my further education wad~

Fufufu, so i might as well take both paths and see which one is better. :P

Hating My Life

Ever Feel Like Running Away?

Dammit, do this, do that,

Do it faster, GO GO GO!!

The 'thing'(anything), the 'thing'(anything), the 'thing'(anything) also dunno?!

What the heck you doing?!?!

Do it like a man lah!!! Why you do it like a lady?!

Eh, sweep the floor.

OMG!!! Teddie!!! What are you doing?!

Put my thing back properly lah!!! Do a little thing also noisy noisy there?!

Eh!!!I slap you ah!! You better shut up and do what i say or else i Whack you!!!

FML = Fuck My Life

Damn, my parents just loovveee bossing my around especially my OLD MAN!!!

Two bloody elder sisters and i end up having to do almost all the CHORES!!!

One frickin sister just knows how to spend their cash, another one just whines alot, while i'm the most independent one who usually hides himself in the internet!!!

Damn larh, this old man.

Always rushing for everything when there isn't a need to RUSH!

Scold loudly for any single MINOR mistake!!!

Even saying odd words and expecting me to understand his language, i still get scolded!!

Likes to boast, exaggerate and scold.

Dislikes to admit, appreciate and listen.

I had a bad day today working on the new house with him.

Obviously, i was forced, if i were to object, i'd get whacked upside down.

Our task was just a simple matter, fixing some locks on the doors of the house.

Everything i had to pack up for him and tidy everything for him to work.

He kept complaining about why all the equipments so low quality and everything.

He loses a screw or something and i will end up getting blamed.

I even offered to buy lunch for him during lunch, and he was complaining me, saying he haven't complained he was hungry and i'm already complaining that i'm hungry.

What the heck?! I never said i was hungry?! I just said 'want me go buy lunch for the two of us?'

In the end when all the work is done, i packed up everything and ready to leave.

I left his 'gearbox'(drills and other tools) in the living room. (Supposed in storeroom)

The house was practically empty as we haven't actually moved in yet, so i couldn't careless about it.

And there the old man goes 'WHY I CALL YOU DO LITTLE THINGS ALSO WHINING WHINING  THERE?! 

So i got fed up of my day and said 'JUST LEAVE IT THERE LARH!!! NO HARM ALSO?!'

Old Man = 'YOU TALK MORE I WILL SLAP YOUR FACE, YOU STUPID SON!!!'

Me = 'OK OK!!! SHUT UP!!! I'LL DO IT ALREADY!!!'

Fuck up everything, quickly pack my stuff and ran off trying to get myself lost.

That's what i meant running to escape everything.

I wander around the whole area and ended up around a housing area that's quite far from where i was.

I was thinking of waiting till it gets dark to get everyone worried.

But because of my ever independence, they thought i took a bus and went back home. 

Screw that ==, so i took my mom's ride home(they dunno anything, they thought i was just looking at houses)

Got home, and asked mom to do some errands 'WITH' me ~

Then she keep saying she no time and busy need find money.

I think i'm gonna go do whatever i like next time, and when they start complaining.

I'll just say 'You go find money larh, i busy need take care of myself~'

Determined Teddie

I just want you to know, i will fight with all my will for you.
Your everything to me.

Festive's Greetings

Hm.... it's almost the end of 2011...
Time flew so fast and it's almost Christmas!!!
Can't believe it!!!
Why must time past so fast, my boring holidays are shrinking. :'(

But most important, what's my wish for Christmas hm.....
All i can think of through out the whole 2 months, is her....
I can't stop thinking of her....
It feels as if my wish for Christmas is to be with her....

Christmas should be a merry day, but it feels like a sad occasion to me this year.....
It shows the beginning of our parted ways...
The beginning of...... trying to forget about you....

Old school memories~

My Kindergarten, it's more of a private mandarin kindergarten then a government kindergarten.

The school that i 'thought' i was going to go into during my kindergarten time. 

The helicopter, i always 'thought' i could play in it when i go to primary school.

Unfortunately, i didn't have the chance >_<

 This would be the sickening primary school that I was 'stuck' in.

LOL, i used to always pluck these and throw them at other people. (Though it used to be little green ones)

My playground, literally, everyday during recess, me and a bunch of guys would play tag here.

Too bored today~

Decided to go find something for my blog.

So i chose to go visit my previous schools~

From the top, was the school when all my embarrassing and hated memories that happened.

As in, acting like a boss owning the whole class including the teachers =_=

Cry over every little small matters.

Hate the girls in school

And so on.... =_=

Anyways, when i was 6 going to 7.

I remember i kept saying that i'm going to SJK (C) Chi Hwa (the 2nd picture above) for my primary education.

I had no idea of what so ever that time~

All of my 'friends' were going to that school except for me.

The teacher asked us which school are we going to and i kept replying 'CHI HWA CHI HWA'!!!

Then she's like, "your mom told me your going to some school called St. Monica".

Stunned O.O....

Anyways, bla bla bla and i'm in my 'first' secondary school SMJK Tiong Hua.

In my first year, one of my friend told me about her problem with her best friend.

What i remembered was... she and some other friends planned to go back to SJK (C) Chi Hwa for a visit.

My friend's dad suddenly disagrees her going for the visit, she forgot that someone was waiting for her.

My friend's phone was unavailable, so when her best friend called, she thought she was being ignored~

Her friend waited and waited for about 2 hours if i'm not mistaken...

Then i thought of myself.... how would i be if i was from that school....

But instead i went to some crappy school called St. Monica =_=

Hated my life there...

The Park of Grandview, wasted land of potentials 

On top of the hill.

It feels so good looking up at that water storage tank.

In an unrelated situation.

While i was walking around my old kindergarten, i had a sudden thought of her.....

I just remembered my friend, a guy says her house is just right beside him.

I tried to find his house as if i could find his house, i could find her house.

But to no avail.... i failed ....

It feels so crazy knowing i won't see her... but i still walk around the houses, heart beating fast, hoping to see her...

Saw this while i walking, LOL, must be some genius who made this poster~

Sad Teddie....

It's been over a week since i went back home for holiday~
I haven't meet any of my friends except for one schoolmate+gaming buddy,
Though i hope i don't meet anyone, anymore because it will be awkward for me...
We're so close, yet so far...
I'm growing more and more desperate, more and more sad, yearn more and more for ......
I want to see her...
I want to hear her voice....
Most of all, i want to see her smiling ..... :'(

Despite all of that, time please quickly pass and let me go back KL without any awkward meetings!!!!

Teddie is HOMEEEE!!!

Hahahaha delayed post >_<
I'm going back to my hometown 'Sandakan' for a holiday trip~
'Balik Kampung' :P

I came back since Friday as in... 25th of November >_<
Gonna be around here for about 3 weeks!!!
Do some packing and etc etc etc~

Teddie Sleeps ^^

I'm quite an insomniac sometimes,
As in for example, i go to bed at 10.00p.m but actually able to sleep in at 1.00a.m
So when i fall into a deep deep sleep, it's really the best feeling ever~

Dream all kinds of awkward dreams,
The odd,
The good,
The bad,
Well you get the point~

Fun Fair visits Sandakan 2011

I had some memories flashback this morning when i woke up....

A fun fair was built up momentarily at Sandakan during the start of 2011.

It was few months ago, can't remember when but i think it's around Febuary or March.

Anyways, i went there after the fun fair started a weeks ago.

With my friends ofcourse.

Everything was kinda peaceful that time~

As in, it was school holiday, all my friends haven't dated each other yet, PMR was still far away and so on...

First time i went there, it was kinda awkward.... ( I went there twice this year )

Some of the girls, they were acting way girly than they usually are =_=

In school, they wouldn't even bother about you when you talk to them.

But during the fun fair place, they were all clinging on the guys....

I'm neutral so i couldn't careless about the guys being happy on the inside.

Can't believe their so fake, maybe they saw some other 'lengzai'(handsome boy) and act they have 'Boyfriends'

Lame~

Anyways, the second time i went there.

She also went on that day....

I think i had some awkward feeling that time,

We don't talk, we don't even look at each other and just awkwardness larh~

There was this thing called the 'Washing Machine', my favorite ride at the fun fair.

She was so cute, clinging to the metal bar as if her life depended on it and being so scared~

I was riding in the thing also.... looking at her.... hoping to be by her side.... protecting her.... make her feel secured...

But no good things ever happen to me, so oh well~

After the session ended, my keys literally separated apart!!

The the key chain hook all the keys together totally broke,

Luckily most of my keys were still in my pocket,

One of the keys were stuck in between the chairs of the machine,

Another key was no where to be found.

I was so panicked that time >_<

Called the guy to nudge my key out,

Thank him like a weirdo and freakin ran out from that place,

It felt weird asking her to keep my keys that time,

Whatever,

My fun fair coins keep dropping out,

My money just wasted like that >_<

After everything ended, it was almost midnight....

We just sit down in some restaurant, and started chatting about the future...

I remember those words really well.... 'Imagine in 3 more years, we'll be coming here to have fun again'.

I guess that won't happen for me anymore~ >_<

I also thought that..... the next time i come here, i'll be coming only with her on a date.....

Cousin Issues???

What the heck?!
Too much sarcasm?
Not talking normally?
What the heck is wrong with her =_=!!

So far, i have never been in good terms with my cousin sister. 'Piao Mei'
She's the same age as me and we have never seen eye to eye with each other.
Recently, we started communicating with each other.
Though i think that made things worst.

We start with a conversation, i'm being nice to her and treating her like all the other girls i know.
Then the end of the conversation, we end up quarreling.
She just spoils everything with her 'whatever' or '=='.
If don't want talk to me then don't.
She's just like me, straightforward as ever and doesn't bother about how others feels.
Screw that~

Oh please, i'm able to mix around with so many people.
I talk to you like i talk to everyone i know.
Your one out of so many saying i have communication problems?!
You don't even know me after 'knowing' me for 15 DAMN YEARS!!!

When she's with her friends, their like blood-sisters.
When she's with me, ' he is my freakin enemy'.
What the heck? I want befriend with you and you treat me back like that?
Perfect =_=!!!

Does anyone else have this kind of issue?

Start Of School Holidays

My way of spending the holidays.

Hm... school holidays started for the Malaysian students except for Form 5 Students.

Everyone already started to complain about how boring the holidays are >_<

Anyways, for the next 2 weeks before going back to my hometown.

I'm gonna stay in my cousin's house till then~

Everyday, wake up around 8 or 9 in the morning~

Sit down and just play PS3 + Online until the evening,

Then go out to eat 'mamak' ( Indian Restaurant )

It's the same activity every single day =_=,

Won't be updating my blog for awhile i think, no inspirations, no readers and lazy to write~

My 1 month separation....

Today is officially 1 month separation for me and my friends~
Today is also my class trip around Shah Alam >_<

Here is some of today's pictures i took :

                                   This is some random guy doing 'Tai Chi', took for no reason~  

He seems to be like..... 'Yo yo, this DJ is gonna rock your world' >_<

Ah....  A' Famosa..... not >_<

The guy took my picture?! 'Aiman'

Guess what.... this is the japanese bicycle that was used during the war to take over 'Tanah Melayu'

It is in 'Bab 1' of Form 3 History book in Malaysia.

ah... lookie the mappie.... lookie the site :P

Up the hill, cycle~ Down the hill, use your damn legs :P

Nice view~ it's even better with the water moving :P

Same view as above, just got that machine.

Look at what i'm standing on >_<

ah... the monkeys~ The creatures that gave me entertainment when it kept chasing after the girls....

It's like just trying to follow the girls and their like 'AH......' (run here, run there)

Hahahaha >_< so damn funny~

 

(Monkey : What you looking at kid?!)

 Jeez.... the little girl isn't afraid of the monkey....instead it's a bunch of 15 year old girls~ >_<

Hey!!! Someone's taking my picture!!

Guess which one is me. >_<

My class actually planned to go to Taman Bukit Cahaya, Shah Alam,

But sadly it was raining.... so Plan B was to go visit the Muzium Negeri Selangor first~

We wondered around the park near the museum then took us around an hour to finish the museum.

Next stop~ Lunchiee!!!

After lunch, it was still raining.

We went to a new library in Shah Alam instead and spend 2 hours there~

One of my classmate, lost her bag as in someone else mistaken her bag for his/her bag.

Finally, we got to go to the 'Taman Bukit Cahaya',

Took a small bus and went to the top where the watery area is~

Going back down the time is when the girls got chased by 'some' monkeys >_<

The End of 12.11.2011. ^_^

Welcome Teddie~ :D

Too free, created this for fun ^_^.
A little retarded though....
anyways,Happy 11.11.11 everybody!!!
It's also a FRIDAY!!! >_<

Side note : 1 more day till 1 month~

11.11.11

Today is 11.11.11, it feels like Valentine's day to me... =_=
People have their wedding's specially on this day,
Mother's trying to give birth their child today,
Couples go on dates today,
Everywhere i go, especially in the shopping malls,
I see a guy and a girl clinging happily to each other,
It's just a day with a nice looking date,
What's with the thick flirting =_=!!!

I know you people very happy together,
And I know I the only single guy who is love sick,
So please stop flirting in front of me =_=,
It's getting more and more annoying,
That day, i even saw a couple kiss each other on the escalator,
Gimme a break =_=!!
This is gonna be a sickening day =_=!!!

2 more days to 1 month separation~

My style = My Business!!!

Some days, when i'm lazy to go out but feel like exercising.
I just exercise right in my own 'bedroom' >_<
My temporary 'bedroom' is actually part of a living room,
Though it's covered up with quite a huge space.
I'll do some simple movements like push-ups, sit-ups and some hopping.

Smart huh?~ >_<

Random Thoughts~

It's been almost a month since i haven't contacted my friends at all~
Hm..... 3 more days to 1 months, i think >_<
Every day, looking up on the sky,
Feels like i'm so far away from home,
Though i'm just across the sea~

Missing my friends every single time i think of them,
Missing her every single minute of my life,
I sound so pathetic~
Nobody even cares about my disappearance except me,
It's only been a month,
Yet i'm breaking down already.

Sleepless nights, dreams filled with them >_<"
It seems i'm doing things without knowing things now....
When i'm going somewhere, i go without thinking,
My mind is so absent right now....
I'm getting more and more pathetic these days~ >_<"

Getting used to the life in West Malaysia already,
It feels like i have been here for year~
This has been the longest time i have been away from home,
Feeling awkward~

I just remembered.....
I never got the chance to take a picture just with her.... O.O
Epic Failure~ =_=

Odd dreams, Unanswered questions?

Ugh.... i have so many odd dreams now a days~
They just leave me 'errrrrrr.......' when i wake up,
Anyways, last night i had an odd one just not as odd as the usual dreams.... O.o
It's actually divided into like few short stories or so,

First off would be, my family and my close friend.
Having BBQ..... I rode on my bike and the size seems a little too small for me....
Asked my mom for a new mountain bike, she agrees....
Then i asked for motorbike, and she started scolding me....
Makes no sense???

Anyways, it somehow jumped to another 'short story'
I was back in my old class... my old school....
Then i saw 'her' clinging to another guy...
And when we met, she was smiling at me and started to tease me in a bad way...
Then she said some stuff i can't remember, and while she was smiling.... she cried...
She said some more stuff and slapped me in the face....Then she runs away...
Makes no sense either??? =_=

After awhile, somehow my dream changed to the last one.....
A race between classes to complete some stuff, something like 'The Amazing Race',
First game my class lost,
Then second game we started to get serious,
I only remember a part where there are huge rocks with lights that keep changing colors and huge cave.
One of my friends who is quite a good pianist, is trying to figure out the sounds of the lights....
As in something like 'Do' 'Re' 'Mi' 'Fa' 'So'.

For some reason, i just dashed into the cave  and she was following me behind.
I held her hands and just rushed right up, i even heard 'her'(another girl) said 'shouldn't she be with her boyfriend?'
When we're almost at the top.... the pianist fell, and for some reason her 'prince' came to save her. =_=
WTF.... He wasn't there before....
Anyways, inside the cave was like a huge concert area which have many seats and many people around.
Searched and searched.... i lost the 2 of them =_=
But when i heard the piano sound, i knew they were in that room.
Got in the room, the completed the song.
I woke up..... =_=

My meaningless ending was ruined......

Lousy Apartment

Well, like i've said before in my previous post.
I'm currently living in an apartment right now in West MS.
I'm not really sure if i'm just spoiled because i used to live in a comfy 'teres' house,
Or this apartment have some serious problems =_=.

Anyways, to start off~
This apartment have some electricity issues,
The place is new but a......
Switches don't work,
The lights that are supposed to last for months stops working in weeks (or days),
Can't use the plugs because no electricity flows (example: handphone charger, etc etc)
When i turn on the volume of the tv (remote), the fan speed also start to increase (even got the increase sound of the fan 'dit dit dit')

Alright next problem, water or rather piping issues,
The kitchen sink leaks or i think it even burst because the next morning the whole place was almost flooded with 'rubbish water' (sink water + rubbish).
Gave me heck load of work trying to dry up the place and fix the damn pipe. (Apparently, the damn thing was loose)
Anyways, the toilet bowl.... when you flush, the water also burst from behind.
So every time when I flush, the floor would be wet as in wet. (Fixed also, just need to push the thingy back to place)

Furthermore, hm...... cooking utensils and let's just say kitchen problem~
Having me n my 2 sisters + 2 guys renting the apartment,
Obviously, the fridge would be full, which sickens me. A lot.
Everything is placed everywhere, seriously is it so hard for 2 damn girls to clean up a little?
Even the only cooking equipment is CRACKED.
What the heck....

Finally, ***** NEIGHBOUR!!
Started not long ago, can't remember when.
Every single screwed up day, they do renovation or something like the WHOLE DAY!!!
(BTW, they live just right above me)
There's that damn freaking drilling sound from morning to EVENING!!
It's not like i'm being to inconsiderate or what, but they start drilling in the morning around 10.00 a.m until even 7.00 p.m in the evening!!!!
And it's been going on for days until it feels like WEEKS!!!!
Come ON!? WHO THE **** DOES THAT!!!

So is it just me, or does this apartment have some serious problems?!

My month long activity~ :D

1 week of holiday just passed because of Deepavali,
Slacked the whole week off in my cousins house,
Gosh.... everyday just go eat 'mamak shop', play PS3 and Monopoly Deal(Finally learn play liao) >_<
It was kinda during that period but since tomorrow is school..... i feel even lazier to go school!!!

Haiz~ i still have 2 weeks of school.
Everyday just go school..... sit in the hall with whole lot of new friends until butt pain
O.O. There is one or two 'visits' to somewhere but just a few.
Mostly would be sitting in the hall for the whole day.
And as a new student, i soooo have to give a good reputation as in not skipping school =_=
The principle and Penolong Kanan HEM already told me few times already not to be influenced by other students~

Anyways, after that 2 weeks of school will be....... my year-end school HOLIDAY!!! >_<!!!
I have 1 week nothing to do in KL before 'balik kampung' for holiday~
Probably, go my cousin's house and do all the usual stuff again.
At least, it's better than staying at home alone online the whole day, right?

My 3 weeks holiday in my 'kampung' huh......
Is all pack, pack and pack.
Need to get ready for the final moving~

Night Falls

Every single night,
I just lay on my bed,
Looking up on the ceiling,
Think of you.

Pick up my phone,
Look at the memories i have collected,
But then..........
All my memories just seems like you,
The people all around you seems to be just another background.
What the heck,
What the heck is this.

I went to sleep,
and i dreamed of you,
Not every night but alternatively,
What this means?
I wanted to forget you,
But somewhat,
I'm not allowing myself to do that?

It just seems that when night falls, my time belongs solely to you.

Moviesss~ :P

Watched 'The Three Musketeers' on Friday, exciting show and there were some epics scenes~
Watched 'Real Steel on Saturday, not exciting as i thought it would be but.... it's a good way to waste my free time~
Last but not least, 'Johnny English Reborn' supposed to be funny and it was~ I cannot stand how blank they make the character is. >_<

Everlasting Memories .....

My very first day of secondary school life.... is a life i enjoyed in SMJK Tiong Hua....

I made a new friend by just sitting next to him.

From the first day we met, he already started talking crap(lies) with me. =_=

2nd day of my Form 1, a very fresh new beginning in my life where nobody knows me or my hated past.

After for so many years of schooling, i was placed to sit with a chinese girl.

I was not so used to it but......

Remember......

'That Was The Very First Time We Met'

From then on, my life in school started to shine brightly.

The first friend that is a girl i made in that school was you.

Everyday i teased you.

Everyday i annoy you.

Everyday i disturb you.

Everyday i make you mad at least once.

And.......

Everyday i chat with you.

Everyday i enjoy my day with you.

Everyday we share our life experience.

Everyday we share jokes with our friends until our stomach hurts so much.

Everyday i laugh with you......

Remember.....

The time you got angry me?

You stopped talking to me because i'm so annoying.

I wasn't intentionally, i never want you to be mad at me.

It's just that.... i don't know how to communicate with you besides annoying you...

I don't have much experience with girls but i want to be close to you so much....

All of us grew together, we're 14 now....

This is the time when we were apart.

You began joining your own group of friends as i am joining my own group of friends.

We met in tuition together,

Remember......

This was the time i hated you.

You started to changed......

You was noisier than before,

Cried like a baby probably more than before,

Ignoring me more than ever,

Changing into the ever childish girl i've ever known.

I despised you, walked away from you and thought your just a burden to this world.

In our final year together, we grew to the age of 15....

I think i have made a bond with everyone close to me already....

Especially you.....

Remember.....

This was the age when we stopped talking each other...

This was the time when we didn't bother each other...

In real life.

'BUT'

This was the time i started looking at you,

This was the time i started to want to care for you,

This was the time i kept looking out for you,

This was the time i tried supporting you,
This was the time my heart beat for you,

This was the time i fell for you....

This year 2011, I grew attached to you.

The time we SMS, we chat.

Those were all meaningful to me.

Their not just messages you send to me and forget about.

You even shared your secret with me.

Do you remember?

When you was sad, we were chatting.

You finally told me that you had a crush on someone...

Suddenly, my whole body and mind froze for a moment.

My heart felt like it broke into a million pieces.

I stopped crying for many years but for that single moment small little tears dropped....

The hot tea cup that i held tightly, i couldn't even feel that it was hot....

But....

All i could do was support you,

I can't be selfish,

I tried to cheer you up.

I even hoped for you to be able to go out with him.

Because,

I just want you to be happy,

And seeing you smile is everything to me.

When i see you cry.....it hurts me too even if i don't show it....
When you smile... it relieves my heart and makes me smile too...
When your scared.... i wanted to protect you so very badly....
When your troubled....i want be there to hold you tight and comfort you....
I couldn't do it.... all of your friends...they were all there for you....
I could just stand back there where you wouldn't notice and care for you from my heart.
I realized i'm such a coward, what i want to do most but i didn't dare just because of my firm pride....
I want to reach out to you but i....just...i.....  

Ending,

I'm leaving....

I made you hate me,

Forget i even existed,

I'm sure you'll get over my betrayal in just a matter of days,

Just stay strong and happy as you are. 

                                         
                                           'Confessions to you who don't even know it.......'