Rejection....

How many times have this been?

16/11/2012 – Friday
     Awaken, I slept through the night but with sorrow in my heart. Still on the bed, unmoving, it seems like a dead body is lying on the bed. It was me, I’m just trying to recover from rejection.
      A quiet and peaceful night yet my eyes have blood-red veins around it, I think I cried in my sleep. Like a kitten trying to lick it’s wounds, I’m trying to do the same…. For the wounds/scars in my heart.
     It was dawn when I set out to look for inspirations, misty and quiet, I was alone walking the streets as sunrise is arriving soon. Earphones in my ears, like an idiot and by myself, I started singing ‘Silhouette – Owl City’ according to the music of choice.
     That voice was not mine. Clear and demanding, that is my voice but this…this croaked voice that seems to be about to cry, it came out from my voice.
     How glad I am to do what I will not regret and how sad I have been to regret over my mistakes. Half-prepared, I have been more shattered than standing strong. The dreams I had last night were just fantasy. It’s quite a coincidence the 2 dreams I had last night was like a mirror of my rejected confession.

Even i will....

break at certain times.

“Why…..? Why did this have to happen? Why must my jealousy crush me so much?” tiny drips of tears started to roll from my cheeks as my thoughts began to betray me.
     It’s raining, drizzling actually, tine and quiet drops of rains that makes an idiot like me think “Are the heavens crying for my sake?” Obviously not, it’s rainy season, delusions like these are just pathetic.

 One dream was she thrashed completely everything in my room including my very precious PS VITA. I raced to where she was, her room, I saw her completely hiding beneath the blanket. Flung the blanket aside, grabbed her and held her tightly to me. We started crying. “I don’t know why, I just suddenly….” As she trailed off, I told her “It’s alright…it’s alright…. That doesn’t matter… I promised to protect and take care of you and I will keep that promise.”
      Like in a movie, that scene of her and I hugging, shattered to welcome the second dream. The images were not so clear this time, like a badly signaled television, It glitches from time to time.
     In that dream, she told me the reality. Honest or not, I am not sure but it does mirror the actual reality, the fact. She was standing still and strong, she told me how she had loved me once, how I could have had a chance, how things could be different. The following things she told me, I didn’t manage to receive it, my mind has already sunk into darkness. I was devastated and alone once again….
     Drizzling is just small drops in fact tiny drops of rains to me, I’ve been through worst. Entirely soaked type of worst.

 “Is this a restricted area?” I thought as I climbed through the fence to return home. There were no signs portraying that it was a restricted area but with just a fence surround the place, I assumed it was opened to public. Careless, I got cut at the end of my hand, near my veins where the blood flows while climbing through the fence. 
     The feeling was numb, blood started flowing out, silently spreading across that area but I was the depressed to tend to my physical wound. My emotions were rather deep to be bothered about a scratch like that.
     It feels so dramatic, again…. Me walking under drizzle with earphones shutting me out from the world, lips movement formed at my lips but nothing came out… I was trying to break free with music from the inside out… 

(END)